Raiden Vs General Grievous

Deadliest Warrior Chapter Eight: Raiden vs. General Grievous

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, Deadliest Warrior or Metal Gear. This is purely a non-profit endeavour done solely for fun.

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Announcer: Raiden, former child soldier of the Liberian Civil war
The Camera shows a young man with delicate features and bright blonde hair. He's wielding a katana in his hands.
Once a potential replacement for Solid Snake, he later became the unstoppable cyborg ninja who aided Solid Snake in his fight against the Patriots.

We see Raiden now but his expression is hardened and much of his body has been replaced by cybernetic components.
General Grievous, one of the most feared Jedi-killers in modern times who led the Separatist movement nearly to victory

The screen shows a fearsome skeleton like cyborg with four arms and razor sharp claws. Only his bright yellow eyes full of hatred show that he's not entirely mechanical.
Announcer: These two mechanical killing machines have never fought before.
Cut to a scene of Grievous attacking Raiden with his light sabres only for Raiden to roll out of the way.
But if they did fight, who would win?
Cut to a scene of Raiden thrusting his high frequency sword at Grievous only for the alien general to catch the blade between both of his hands.
In a battle with no rules, no safety, no mercy, who would prevail?
The White Devil of Liberia
A child Raiden fights under Solidus Snake. The boy uses his machinegun to kill enemy soldiers with such ferocity that all but Solidus are stricken with horror. Solidus merely grins at the pale skinned Caucasian boy covered in blood.
Or the Scourge of the Huks
A still organic Grievous attacks the Huk aliens with a sword. Despite the alien's superior technology, Grievous chops the Huks into so much blood and gore. He wipes off his sword as a dismembered hand twitches.
An ally of Solid Snake
Raiden uses his sword to slice apart two legged mechanical monsters called geckos. The fearsome cybernetic fighting machines are sliced up like jelly in a blender.
Or a killer of Jedi
Grievous kills several Jedi in the most brutal way possible. One Jedi he beheads, another he holds down and starts ripping out internal organs with his bare hands.
Announcer: It`s a battle for supremacy to decide

WHO

IS

DEADLIEST?

Announcer: Here at the fight club we're scrambling like mad to prepare for the next exciting round of testing and ensuing death match.
In the fight club, everybody is hustling to get ready for the first round of tests. In a corner, an old man in fine clothing and beautiful cape spins and thrusts a light sabre in impossible patterns.
Meanwhile, another old man in a sneaking suit practices CQC techniques on a plastic dummy.
Announcer: Fight Doctor and former Emergency room medic Armand Dorian will have the honour of determining the lethality of the wounds inflicted.
"It's my job to see who's alive, who's maimed and who's dead," the good doctor explains. "I'm very excited about this fight because from what I've seen both combatants are able to take a fair amount of damage and still keep on going."
Biomedical expert and weapons expert Geoff Desmoulins will be testing the lethality of the weapons involved and which killing machine has the edge
"This is a fight between one badass motherfucker and another badass mother fucker." The handsome weapons expert then fills us in on his prediction for the outcome of the fight. "I'm going to have to give this one to Grievous. He comes from a more technologically advanced society and he has the advantage of lightsabres."
Computer expert Max Geiger acts as the lynchpin who puts the data together and gathers meaningful conclusions.
"Grievous is like a mad dog," Max explains before the audience. "He's vicious, driven and cruel; but he's a weapon of shock and awe. If he fails to shock or awe his opponent then he might as well just bow his head and await execution because Raiden is not going to be scared that easily."
Announcer: Assisting in the effort we have brought in outside experts who know their respective fighter second to none.
Representing Team Raiden are Solid Snake, clone of Big Boss and the greatest soldier of the Twenty first century and Vamp, Raiden's seemingly immortal nemesis.
Snake appears before the camera in his Old Snake version. But despite his wrinkles and grey hair, the fire in Snake's heart is still burning strong. "Raiden is going to win this match," growls the old mercenary. "More than anything else, he has the mentality that no matter what kind of pain he endures or what kind of obstacles are thrown in his way, he will still win."
The grizzled veteran pulls out a cigarette and lights a smoke. "I should know, I have the same attitude."
Announcer: On Behalf of team Grievous are Count Dooku of the Confederacy of Independent Systems and Cad Bane, notorious bounty hunter who worked for and against the General on several occasions.
Unlike Solid Snake, Dooku's deep voice is melodious and sinister. "I have nothing but faith in the General's abilities. Very few warriors can face a hundred armed assailants head on and win; I just happen to be one of those." The old man's eyes twinkle coldly. "With my training, Grievous has killed over a hundred and fifty Jedi and crippled thousands more; and not just padawans, but fully fledged masters as well."
Vamp appears before the camera. The vampire like man smirks and reaches for the knife strapped to his crotch. "Our paths have crossed many times," he hisses seductively. "He has no fear of death; I like it." He pulls out his knife and licks the blade.
Cad Bane is a mean as hell Duro alien dressed up in western style. From under his wide brimmed hat, the alien's red eyes contrast with his blue skin. Bane smirks and touches the rim of his hat. "I'll appear on any TV show, for the right price."
Stats:
Raiden:
Height-5'9''
Weight-200 lbs
Manufacturer-Tokugawa Industries
Weapons-High Frequency Sword, Five-SeveN, FGM-148 Javelin, Gun de Sol
Grievous:
Height-8'5''
Weight-450 kg
Manufacturer-Intergalactic Banking Clan Medical Division
Weapons-light sabre, Blastech Grievance Striker, E-5 Blaster Rifle, Magna Staff
Announcer: In our first test, the short range weapons. Raiden's Sword will go up against Greivous's light sabres.

For this test, a gel torso designed to replicate human flesh has been placed on top of a concrete pillar. Old Snake shakes himself lose and begins to stretch well before engaging in any strenuous weapons testing.
Dooku stands nearby Snake and seems to have his doubts about Raiden's weapon coming out on top. "So you are actually going to through with the test? You are more foolish than I thought."
Snake however is undaunted by the Sith Lord. "This is science, Count; keep your hokey religion out of it." The Count's eyes narrow as Snake picks up the sword and begins to go through the practice motions. "We're going the testing one way or another."
The camera changes as Geoff is seen strapping on sensor devices to Snake's wrist and to the hilt of his weapon. As Snake moves around the blade, the data is transmitted to Max's computer and the resident tech guy gives a thumb's up.
"Alright, this is meant to measure your movement in three dimensions; this way we'll be able to tell how fast the strike is."
Snake simply grunts in affirmation. He just wants to get to slicing something.
At last the moment of truth has come. Snake stands ready and the experts give the go ahead.
"Snake!" Geoff calls. "You go in 3 . . . 2. . . 1. . . GO!"
Launching himself forward with a vigour that would make any Samurai impressed, Snake goes for a killing strike. With a swipe, he slashes right through the neck of the dummy. The cut is so sharp and fine that the head stays on for a second before sliding off.
Moving faster than Big Boss, Snake slashes and slices at the dummy and then steps back. Everyone except for team Grievous looks on with wonderment as the headless dummy falls into a dozen jigsaw pieces which slide off of each other like pieces of ice.
Old Snake isn't done yet. As the final act, he swings the sword and chops the two foot thick concrete pillar and then slices the top half into two more pieces before it hits the ground.
Max, ever the Metal Gear fan is immediately in love with Snake and his sweet moves. "Man, that is awesome. You cut through solid concrete like it's nothing! You even cut through the rebar reinforcement."
Vamp grins suavely at Max. "So you see my friend, why the White Devil must be called the deadliest warrior?"
Dooku and Cad Bane are not so impressed. The Count of Serenno politely yawns at Snake's impressive display of swordsmanship. Yoda could give the same performance in his sleep and he's way older than Old Snake.
Cad Bane sniffs with a mix of arrogance and disdain. "That old man's past his prime. They shoulda retired him ages ago." In a way, Bane is disappointed that nobody ever posted a bounty on Snake's head. It would have really added to his reputation.
Announcer: Hot on the heels of the last test, the iconic light sabre goes next; the weapon of choice for both Sith and Jedi alike.
In his hand, Dooku holds a finely crafted and elegant light sabre that is perfectly suited to his highly precise and geometric sword fighting style. "A lightsabre is a focal point of a Sith's power, the same principle applies to the Jedi. Unlike a Jedi or Sith, Grievous did not build his lightsabres; he took every last one of them from the cold, stiff hands of a fallen Jedi which he himself had felled."
"So were there any Jedi that he walked up behind and just stabbed in the back," Old Snake enquires cynically.
Dooku just smiles at Snake. "You would know all about sneaking, my stealthy friend. Rules are irrelevant when survival is at stake; the only winner is the one who walked away with his life."
Geoff then explains the nature of the test to Dooku. "Okay Count, we've got a series of twenty pig carcasses coming down on the ceiling rail and you'll have to cut them down as fast as you can."
"Child's play," the Count dismisses.
Announcer: After the twenty pig carcasses come his way, a mystery target will come at Dooku and fully test the lightsabre's potential as a weapon.

Dooku stands ready while his partner Cad Bane checks his e-mails on his IPhone.
Armand stands by with the signal. "Okay, lightsabre test in 3 . . . 2. . .1. . . EN GARDE!"
As the first of the pig carcasses go flying towards Dooku, the Sith lord gazes cooly at the flying ham.
Then with speed born of decades of training and a connection to the force, Dooku strikes. Whipping out his lightsabre with blinding speed, the first pig carcass is bisected and a smell of cooked meat hits the room.
The pig carcasses come at Dooku in rapid succession and in rapid succession they are sliced apart. Dooku doesn't just cut them in half. HE cuts them in half and then slices the falling pieces into quarters.
Suddenly, down the rail comes two robotic controlled machine guns that begin to rain bullets down on the separatist leader; each one equipped with a fifty round magazine.
Without breaking stride, Dooku effortlessly blocks the bullets flying at him with his lightsabre. The bullets hiss as they are instantly vaporized by the laser blade.
With a strike of blinding speed, the two ceiling mounted machine guns fall to the floor in eight pieces. But the machine guns aren't the piece de resistance.
Coming down the ceiling mounted rails at over forty miles an hour is a used car. It looks like Dooku might be in trouble, but the Sith Lord merely smiles. Acrobatically jumping up despite his advanced years, Dooku does a summersault in the air and slices the car into two pieces.
Dangling from wires, the halves of the car create a huge firestorm of sparks as they drag across the concrete floor of the fight club.
The three hosts of the show laugh as they bear witness to Dooku's awesome skill. There's nothing left but sliced ham, chopped metal and brass casings. If the famous assassin droid HK-47 were here he'd turn tail and find an easier job at the sight of Dooku.
Cad bane takes this time to rib the opposition. "So what were you saying about how great his sword is?" Bane cocks his head and narrows his red eyes. "Pathetic."
The three hosts then sit down to discuss what they've seen. Geoff opens with the obvious. "Lightsabre wins, hands down; no discussion."
Max nods at his buddy. "Agreed, with the lightsabre you can just cut the sword like the sword cut through the concrete."
Armand too agrees. "And even taking out of the account the lethality of the lightsabre, Dooku was able to swing his weapon twice as fast as Snake was able to swing the sword."
There can be no questioning the results.
Edge: Lightsabre


Announcer: With short range weapons announced it's time for the testing of medium range weapons, beginning with general Grievous's own preferred firearm, the Grievance Striker.

Since Dooku prefers the lightsabre as his weapon of choice, Cad Bane is naturally the one to demonstrate the weapon's value.
"This is a custom tooled and refurbished DT-57 Annihilator blaster pistol," Bane explains. "You've got guaranteed head removal with this weapon," he states with relish.
"Costing eight hundred and fifty credits, the range has been reduced from fifty to thirty five metres in order to squeeze more power out of it. Each clip holds a hundred and fifty shots depending on the power setting."
The alien bounty hunter spins the gun expertly on his finger and starts to aim with it. "This gun will punch through virtually any personal force field in existence and cut through armour like butter."
He smiles a she caresses the trigger on the weapon. "This is a fucking hungry man."
Vamp chooses to taunt Cad Bane. "And yet this weapon was not powerful enough to prevent General Grievous from being killed by Obi-Wan Kenobi."
Bane sneers at Vamp, slowly pointing the gun in the general direction of the semi-greasy Romanian. "Maybe you should see for yourself; care to volunteer for target practice?"
Vamp merely laughs at Cad Bane's suggestion and spreads his arms wide. "If that is what you want," almost magically, three throwing knives seem to appear in either of vamp's hands, "then let's go, big man."
Before hostilities can erupt, Max and Geoff break the two up.
Since this is a deadly blaster, the testing occurs in the deep desert where the Deadliest Warrior guys test all their guns.
Bane stands with the Grievance Striker, this time the gun is fully loaded. Vamp stands nearby; the pistol he plans to use is tucked at his belt . . . just above his crotch.
Geoff takes the time to explain the test. "Okay, ahead of your is a series of doors with a cardboard target behind each of them. Your job is to go in and shoot hostiles without killing any friendly cut-outs. At the final door there will be a robotic enemy designed to simulate the armour and abilities of your opponents. Think you can handle it?"
Cad Bane merely smirks. "There is a reason why I'm the best paid bounty hunter in the galaxy."
"But not as well paid as Boboa Fett," Vamp snipes.
Immediately, Cad Bane sneers at Vamp but decides that he'll extract revenge another time.
Announcer: To make things more interesting and more trying for our experts, a smoke grenade will be set off to obscure their vision.
As the coloured smoke goes off, Cad Bane holds his blaster ready. Max gets the sacred stopwatch ready. "Alright, in 3 . . . 2. . . 1. . . . GO!"
Wasting no time, Bane sprints forward with his gun like an Olympian gold medal runner. Thinking fast, Bane shoots off the handle of the door and kicks it wide open. Through the thick smoke he can just barely make out the cardboard likeness of a FROG soldier.
Instantly, Cad Bane fires a dozen rounds into the chest of the figure in a rapid spray.
Shooting the lock off the next door, Bane activates his rocket boots and flies into the next room. Inside there is a cardboard cut-out of a battle droid, which he ignores and once more shoots off the handle of the next door.
Cad Bane repeats this process several times, blasting enemy figures and sparing friendly ones until at least he reaches the final door. Once inside, Bane sprays the room with blaster fire and cuts his rocket boots to allow the power cells time to recharge.
Inside the room there is a robotic replica of a cyborg ninja. The robot ninja ducks under Bane's blaster fire and swings its high frequency sword at the bounty hunter.
Falling back on years of practice and honed instinct, Bane flips backwards from the strike and opens up with more blaster fire at the robot ninja.
Reaching into his tool belt, Bane throws down a smoke bomb specifically designed to mess with the vision of cyborgs and droids without interfering with his own eyesight.
As the robot swings confused into the mass of smoke, Cad Bane blows its head off with a single shot. The robot stumbles and swings its sword one last time before falling.
Bane smirks and holsters his weapon. He's more than earned his pay today.
At the work station, Max clocks in the time. "Thirty one seconds," he writes down into his expensive computer.
Geoff turns to Vamp and Solid Snake. "So guys, think you can beat that?"
Snake's whole manner radiates confidence. "We could do that in our sleep."
Snake then turns to his partner who is wearing a ton of sunblock and big sunglasses. "Come on Vamp, let's embarrass these space faggots."

Everything is reset and Vamp now takes his turn to explain the medium range weapon of their group. "This is the FN Five-Seven pistol, alternately spelled Five-SeveN; after the manufacturer's initials."
"This gun was the preferred sidearm for my old special forces group, Dead Cell. The White Devil began to use one of these guns after the incident at the Big Shell Oil Clean Up facility."
"Yeah" says Armand. "I heard about that on the news a few years back."
Vamp smirks. These guys don't know the full story of Big Shell. "The weapon has an effective range of fifty meters is capable of penetrating forty-eight layers of Kevlar at one hundred sixty-four feet."
Next, vamp holds up a clip of bullets with blue coloured tips. "The gun fires the 5.7 by 28 millimetre bullets; which are high velocity bottle neck rounds. Due to the high velocity of the bullet and the eight rifle grooves in the gun barrel, this weapon is both very powerful and very accurate."
For good measure he adds. "One can carry thousands of rounds of Five-seveN ammunition where another might be able to carry only a few hundred SOCOM rounds."
Old Snake bristles as Vamp disses his favourite weapon but says nothing because they're on a team.
"How much ammo does that hold?" jeers Cad Bane.
"Twenty rounds," Vamp laughs. "Enough to give the good general a proper funeral with."
The test is all ready to go and Vamp has his gun ready, plus a spare clip of ammo tucked into his belt . . . once more above his crotch.
As Max gives the countdown once more, Armand talks to the camera. "You know I heard that this was Sam Fisher's favourite pistol."
"GO!" Max screams.
Not wasting any time, Vamp sprints with superhuman ability. Not wasting a bullet, he simply smashes down the door before him and puts two bullets into the head of the cardboard imitation of a Super Battle Droid.
With preternatural speed, he kicks down the next door and spares the cardboard cut-out of Johnny Sasaki; even though he's sorely tempted to shoot the recognizable figure in a balaclava.
In no time at all, Vamp reaches the final target. Standing before him in frightening accuracy is a robotic replica of General Grievous. The only thing different about the robot is that it lacks the organic, hate filled eyes of the separatist general.
The faux Grievous attacks Vamp with four arms, each one carrying a lightsabre. Vamp does several summersaults and jumps onto a fabricated wall, where he clings like a gecko. On the wall, Vamp unloads high velocity armour piercing bullets onto the robo-Grievous.
Unfortunately for him the bullets that can punch through a PSAGT bulletproof vest at three hundred meters merely bounce off the imposter's well forged armour plating. Even shots to the knees and other joints do nothing.
Lightsabres slice through the air where Vamp formerly clung to the wall.
Sailing through the air like an acrobat, Vamp lands on the robot's shoulders and puts the pistol barrel right up to the droid's eye. Vamp pulls the trigger and then fires a bullet into the robot's other eye.
The robot freezes like it's encased in amber. Sparks are shooting from where both of its eyes used to be.
As light as a feather, Vamp jumps off of the tall robot's shoulders and ejects the spent magazine from his gun. Just as he does so, the robot topples like a giant, ugly domino.
Announcer: Back at the fight club, our experts discuss the data.
Geoff turns to his buddy Max. "So Max, what do you think?"
Max recites the results according to the hard data. "Well, Vamp was actually faster at getting to his target than Cad Bane; twenty one seconds versus twenty eight seconds. The real difference lies in the time it took to kill the target. Vamp's total time was around thirty seven seconds."
"Not to mention that the handgun Vamp had was nearly useless against the Grievous stand in," Armand points out.
Geoff looks at his two coworkers. "Looks clear to me."
"Agreed."
"Agreed."
Edge: Grievance Striker
Announcer: With medium and short range testing done like dinner, it's time for the long range weapons
Things are being set up at the long range testing course. While the three hosts are getting everything ready, Dooku and Snake are sparring. The two old men are lashing out at each other like a couple of archaic action heroes.
"I sense indecision in you, Snake," says Dooku as he deflects a strike from Snake. The two old men snap and kick at each other but neither seems to be gaining any sort of advantage. "Your father Big Boss never was like this."
Snake responds by increasing the speed and unpredictability of the strike he throws at Dooku. "And yet I beat Big Boss and gouged Ocelot's eyes out." He grits his teeth as Dooku throws him to the ground but rolls out of it without any damage.
Dooku renews the attack. "You are worthless, just like your two idiot brothers."
Snake launches at Dooku. "Big Boss fell to the dark side; in the end, his fear and hate controlled him, not the other way around."
Dooku and Snake begin exchanging kicks with rapid speed. "I fought alongside Naked Snake during the Peacewalker Incident," says Dooku. "He was worth a hundred of you."
Before the sparring can do on any longer, they are called over to the weapons test. Both men dust themselves off and casually walk over to the hosts.
While this was happening, Cad Bane and Vamp were helping themselves to a pot of coffee provided by Max. Bane's coffee is black and Vamp has it double cream double sugar.
Announcer: The FGM-148 Javelin is a powerful US made anti-tank missile which uses radio control to manipulate the flight pattern of the projectile.

Old Snake stands at the shooting range with a hefty missile launcher over his shoulder. The weapon he is carrying is man portable but still quite heavy. Snake starts to give an overview of the weapon.
"This is a fire and forget missile system; I fire and that's the end of it. The missile requires no further aiming once you shoot it."
The old man lights a cigarette before going on. "It has a range of two thousand meters and can easily destroy most modern tanks."
Geoff then points out to Snake what his challenge will be. "Well Solid, what you'll have several targets to take out here today and you're being judged for both accuracy and time it takes to take out all the targets."
Across the desert there are a series of decommissioned Trade Federation battle tanks just waiting to be taken apart. Also there are a couple mechanical imitations of General Grievous.
Armand then explains the Grievous stand ins. "Those are hollow shells based off of now declassified blueprints of General Grievous. Packed inside of those two armoured shells are ballistics gel designed to simulate Kaleesh organs and flesh. Inside each there is a computer link that will tell us whether you've killed him or merely disoriented him."
Snake nods. "That works for me. Let's get this show on the road."
Dooku watches Snake with wary eyes while Vamp and Cad Bane continue to have a star off over hot cups of java. Vamp breaks off eye contact to call out to Snake. "Will you need help?"
"I'll be fine," Snake calls back.
Everything gets set up, the guys are ready and Geoff takes the stop watch. "Snake, you're on in 3. . . 2 . . . . 1. . . . FIRE!"
With eyes on the prize, Snake fires off his first missile. There is a huge flare out the back of the weapon as the first stage; the soft stage launches the rocket. Then, when the missile is a safe distance away, the missile activates and zooms towards its target.
Snake doesn't stop to watch as the Trade Federation Tank has a massive hole punched into the armour and the insides are burned to slag.
Not without some difficulty, Snake reloads the rocket and launches another missile. As he does this, Cad Bane looks on with a slight sneer and Dooku is unreadable. It would seem that the pair of them are not sure their weapon of choice can prevail.
One by one, each Tank is blown to bits until at last only the two mock-ups of Grievous are left; standing there like Grievous zombies or something.
A missile launches and cuts through the air. The warhead explodes just five feet from the mock up on the left. With only one missile left, Snake must aim well.
Squeezing the trigger one last time, Snake gets his target dead on. The missile strikes the faux general in the chest and engulfs it in a cloud of fire and shrapnel.
Hefting up the heavy rocket launcher, Snake strolls over to Vamp and gives him a fist bump. Old Snake then looks over to Dooku and Bane. "Let's see you boys beat that."
At their own leisurely rate, the three hosts and the experts approach the damaged targets. Around them tower the burned hulks of the decommissioned tanks. Peering inside of the burned ruins, Geoff comments. "Nothing inside of that tank is alive, droid or otherwise."
Announcer: But results are a little less clear cut when it comes to the main targets.
The two fake Grievouses are now charred and knocked over, like statues at a Greek ruin. Plugging in a digital device into a still functional slot, Armand retrieves the data from the pressure pads inside the armour. "Well, this guy here that took the direct hit is dead. The kinetic energy simply splattered his insides to jelly."
"One down," Snake laughs.
The other target is less encouraging. "Well, this guy is definitely alive. He's stunned but nothing the good psychopath can't get back up from."
Snake is outraged. "But the rocket went off like five feet from him."
Dooku just smirks at Snake. "It's science, old soldier. General Grievous is built to take a direct hit from a turbo laser and still keep on fighting. One primitive earth missile won't be enough to stop him, assuming that he stands in one place long enough for such a ridiculous weapon to hit him."
"We'll see about that, Count" Snake warns.
Announcer: The E-5 blaster, standard weapon of the droid armies of the CIS. Featuring a large gas chamber, the weapon is capable of powerful blasts at a range of over two thousand meters. Manufactured by Baktoid Armour Workshop, the E-5 is a weapon specifically designed for use by droids.

Cad Bane holds up an E-5 blaster rifle in his hand and gives a little rundown before a demonstration. "Not my favourite blaster rifle but it's highly effective against cyborgs like your little blond boy. Around the time of the Gulf War, these things were all over the Middle East after the Clone Wars ended and they gave no small helping of trouble to NATO forces."
Vamp laughs at Cad Bane. "That toy is your answer to our weapon?"
Snake seems to agree with his bizarre ally. "It's a powerful weapon but I'll take an AK-47 to one of those any day."
"We'll be sure to change your mind," Count Dooku injects jovially.
The scene shifts to Cad Bane kneeling down with the blaster rifle. To test the weapon, there is a set of dummies, four stationary and two on automated robotic stands. Over a thousand meters away there are a group of remote targets to see how the range holds up. Two thousand meters away is a mannequin dressed up to look like Raiden.
In the hot sun, Bane wipes his brow from under his broad hat. As per usual, the call is given, this time by Max. "In 3 . . . 2. . . 1. . . . FIRE!"
The first batch of dummies don't even make it. To prove his superior marksmanship, Bane fires two blaster bolts at the head of each dummy. He decapitates every last one of his targets in literally four seconds flat.
Taking only three seconds to aim, Bane then starts firing on the thousand meter targets. His shorts go by blindingly fast and the weapon just barely fires slower than most automatic machineguns.
After a dizzying number of blaster bolts have been fired. Cad Bane unloads the rest of his ammo holder into the final target at two thousand meters.
The hosts grit their teeth with excitement as Bane knocks himself out, determined as he is to take down his last target.
Since this gun is normally designed for droids, it has a tendency to overheat and is very delicate. However Cad Bane is getting around those design flaws by wearing protective gloves. Being mostly mechanical, General Grievous never had an issue with this weapon.
At last after what feels like forever, Bane runs out of ammo and the test is halted.
Geoff checks the time. "Two and a half minutes. Our longest gun test yet. Let's see how you did."
Armand assess the damage of the mannequins at short range. "Well, all their heads are missing. You don't need me to tell you they're dead."
Everyone climbs aboard a series of golf carts to reach the thousand meter targets. Geoff drives Dooku and Snake while in another cart, Armand and Max fight for who gets to drive. Cad Bane settles the dispute for the two; and Vamp gets to ride his own personal golf cart.
At the thousand meter mark, the results are less than encouraging. Armand inspects the damage on the dummies. "Well, these three dummies here have got at least five or six shots to the chest; dead but not especially accurate given how much ammo you threw at them. Not to mention that the other three dummies are unscathed."
Back on the golf carts again, they check the final target. The Raiden mannequin has got a burn on the cheek but no other signs of damage. Armand inspects the burn. "This isn't even fatal."
Snake taunts Bane. "So I fired two shots and killed a whole platoon. You fired a thousand shots and missed."
Bane snarls at Snake. "It's not a gun I'd use on the job anyway."
"Whiner." Snake taunts.
The scene shifts back to the fight club.
Geoff goes over it with his three buddies. "Definitely the rocket launcher on this one."
Max and Armand agree. "Yeah," says Max, "Even a marksman like Cad Bane had a hard time hitting targets at even a thousand meters whereas Snake hit his target twice at two kilometers away."
Edge: FGM-148 Javelin
Announcer: With all but two tests left, how have the results impacted our professionals?
Armand appears before the camera. "At first I wasn't sure who to support, but of the two fighters, Grievous seems to be the more educated about killing. After the Liberian Civil war, Raiden's only real training seemed to come from the Patriot's virtual reality programs. Grievous on the other hand comes from a warrior culture and was a warlord before becoming a cyborg. Then he received combat instruction from Count Dooku, one of the Jedi Order's greatest swordsmen."
Max then appears before the camera. "There are a lot of dangerous weapons in this match. I still support Raiden but it's going to be a close call."
At last Geoff appears before the Camera. "I'm still with Grievous on this one but I think that the rocket launcher just might tip the balance. It's instantly lethal and can follow its target."
This next test takes place inside the fight club because now it's onto special weapons. Vamp takes the stage, holding in his hand a most peculiar gun. "Behold," crows the Romanian, "The Gun de Sol."
"What the hell is that?" says Bane.

The gun that Vamp holds is unlike any ever seen on the show. It's an ornate weapon with a wood handle and brass plating. It has a large bore with two vertical metal plates of bronze mounted on the sides of the barrel. Sticking out from under the gun is a knife; rather like a bayonet. Despite its somewhat archaic feel, the Solar Gun also has a strangely high tech vibe about it.
The three hosts look at the gun in awe. Max, who is a Metal Gear fan, seems to be the most impressed by this unique weapon. "Amazing," Max says.
Geoff dives right to the point. "So what can you tell us about the particulars of this gun? What makes it stand out?"
Snake takes point for this matter. "This gun is fuelled by direct sunlight; so it's green. It's used to fire high rate, low potency shots that knock out an enemy and cause all their equipment to fall off them."
"So this is a non-lethal weapon," asks Armand.
Snake replies, "That's correct."
Count Dooku and Cad Bane are instantly scornful of a non-lethal weapon. "Well that isn't going to bring into kills into your favour." Dooku scoffs.
"Get rid of that toy," Cad Bane jeers.
Snake shows his enemies a stiff upper lip and retorts. "Say what you will, ladies. This is the most powerful non-lethal weapon in mine or Raiden's arsenal."
"But our special weapon kills," counters Dooku.
Before the pissing match can go on any further, the firing range has been set up. Five foam dummies have been set up with various ammo belts and knickknacks strapped to their bodies. A few of the dummies are given arms with guns strapped to them.
Geoff works to strap a motion sensor onto Vamp's wrist, ignoring the cold feel of the man's flesh or the unpleasant way that Vamp is looking at Geoff's veins.
Announcer: To test the gun's full potential, the clock will be started at the time when Vamp begins to raise the weapon.
Armand takes the timer this time. "3 . . . 2. . . 1. . . . SUNLIGHT!"
Immediately, Vamp raises up the gun almost too fast for the eye to see. With a few quick squeezes of the trigger, he fires beams of concentrated sun onto the dummies. Each shot of solar energy knocks back each dummy a good thirty feet and like a charm, knocks all the equipment and ammo off of each target.
Armand reads off the time. "Seven and a half seconds."
"That's pretty good for ten targets," Geoff compliments.
"Definitely, Boktai 2 was pretty awesome," only Max knows what the hell he is referring to. Everybody else pretends not to hear the computer expert.
Geoff walks over and observes the damages. "This is amazing. The ammo clips have even fallen out of these guns." He points to one dummy. "Look at that, his fly is even undone."
Vamp notes. "This gun has no recoil, making it easier to fire rapidly and accurately."
Count Dooku immediately puts down the weapon. "A mere toy. Non-lethal is not practical on the battlefield."
Vamp defends his weapon. "This weapon can kill. The bayonet can slice through most body armour and the butt of the handle can be easily used as a bludgeon; like an old flintlock pistol."
Geoff quickly analyzes the situation and comes to a conclusion. "It looks to me like we need to design a test for the gun's short range capabilities as well."
"I also suggest a second long range test." Vamp suggests.
"How do you plan to do that?" Geoff wonders.
Without any warning whatsoever, Vamp takes the Solar Gun and shoots Cad Bane with it.
Caught off guard, Bane screams as he's flung backwards and slams very hard into a metal work bench. Bane's hat flutters pitifully to the floor as its owner lays unmoving on the floor.
"Holy shit! What did you do that for?" Max demands to know.
Vamp just grins and holsters the Solar Gun. "Since the end of the Patriots, I've become a bounty hunter and now I'm taking in Cad Bane so that I can collect the bounty he incurred when he held republic senators hostage."
Snake sees no objection to this. "Well, he's a cock smoker at any rate; so knock yourself out, Vamp."
And like a swarm of vultures, everybody moves in to steal as much of Cad Bane's stuff before the others get to it. Max quickly jacks Cad Bane's iPod while Armand boosts the downed bounty hunter's first aid kit.
Snake is busy rifling through Cad Bane's wallet when he sees Count Dooku. Instead of helping his downed partner, Dooku is stealing Bane's stuff with the best of them. Betrayal is truly the way of the Sith.
Dooku realizes that he's hit the jackpot when he finds a half dozen Peek Freans cookies still in their wrappers. Eyes lighting up, Dooku opens one of the cookie packages and scans the yummy cookie with a poison snooper; because with Cad Bane you just never know.
Snake gives Dooku a funny look but Count Dooku merely explains. "A Sith lord can eat whatever he finds in someone else's pockets." With the "all clear" chime from the poison snooper, Dooku begins happily munching on Cad Bane's cookies.
Just a little ways over, Vamp smiles as he calls dibs on Cad Bane's rocket boots. Geoff gets to keep his hat.
Announcer: And so we come to the final leg of testing. As Vamp finishes testing the Gun de Sol, Team Grievous—or what's left of it—test out the Magna Staff.

The scene briefly shows vamp stabbing and clubbing at a pig carcass with the Gun de Sol before changing.
In the next scene, Count Dooku stands with a large staff made from high quality phrik alloy; one of the universe's few lightsabre resistant substances. Over in the corner, Vamp and Solid Snake are tying Cad Bane to a swivel chair using a roll of duct tape. Bane still hasn't come to.
Suspended from the ceiling are a bunch of ceramic balls of varying sizes. Each one of them is filled with fake blood. Also hanging from the ceiling is a series of human skulls loaded with fake grey and white matter so that extra special splatter which Spike TV fans love so much.
Announcer: The chief weapon of Grievous's mechanical body guards, the Magna droids, the Magna staff is a lightsabre resistant weapon which delivers electrocution and bone shattering trauma in one neat package.
The getup is simple enough and it doesn't take much time for the guys to explain to Dooku what he needs to do.
The camera shifts to Dooku speaking a bit about the Magna staff. "I am not just an expert with lightsabres; I've taken the time to master a variety of melee weapons, my favourite being the Magna staff and the Mandalorian beskad."
The old man pauses to stroke his beard. "Although explosives are a great deal of fun, much more so than blasters."
At last, Count Dooku stands before the testing area. Max calls over to the Count. "Dooku, are you ready?"
In response, Count Dooku fires up the generator on the Manga staff and the ends of the device crackle with purple energy.
"In 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . CHARGE!"
Despite his advanced years, Count Dooku launches himself at the targets like a bat out of hell. His cape flying out behind him billows out like Dracula's cape.
As he flies forward one hanging skull looks mournfully at the Count before it is wiped from existence.
The blunt end of the Magna Staff is thrust right through the skull in a shower of bone and fake brain; the skull splinters into an unrecognizable mess.
Acting as though he's surrounded by real enemies, Dooku spins the heavy metal staff in a circle, destroying a half dozen ceramic balls and another skull are consigned to oblivion.
Dooku is a whirlwind of death, parrying and dodging imaginary strikes while splitting the skulls of his enemies.
When there is only one last skull left and the whole floor is covered in blood, the Count quickly rips off his cape and throws it over the skull to obscure its vision and then he starts to wale on it like a lumberjack cutting a tree with an imaginary axe.
At last the test is called off and Dooku walks off to clean the fake blood from his clothes. He doesn't get this problem with a ligthsabre.
The three hosts review the footage of Dooku and compare it to Vamp and the Gun de Sol. "So what do you think?" Geoff asks his companions.
"Dooku was lethal," Max says.
"But the damage done by the Solar Gun was pretty extreme as well," Armand remarks.
The three men go over video footage of Vamp attacking using the Solar Gun's melee features. Geoff talks about the gun's specs. "Well for such an awkward shaped weapon, it's perfectly weighted for hand to hand combat but it wasn't as deadly at close range as the Magna staff."
"Still," Max points out, "The Solar Gun's long range attack, while non-lethal can still sway the battle in favour of the solar gunner."
The three men look at each other. The decision is soon made.
Edge: Gun de Sol.
Announcer: The testing is done, now it's time turn the screws and roll the dice. This is the moment you've all been waiting for!
The screen changes to Max inputting all the data on his computer and hitting the "enter" key to start the simulation.
Let's get ready to rumble!

---

Simulation:
Panic in the galaxy! The Clone wars have engulfed yet another planet into the maelstrom of death and destruction.
Planet earth, a planet already overrun by lunatics and criminals is under siege by the droid armies of the CIS.
In the Near East, Private Military Corporations battle for and against the Republic and CIS forces in a maelstrom of destruction. Religious fanatics, nanite pumped assassins, people with nothing to lose; they're all raising hell for everyone involved.
Amidst the chaos, Solid Snake and Naomi Hunter barely escape onto a helicopter piloted by Otacon. "Raiden," Snake rasps. They got separated and now from up above Snake can finally see what's become of the new cyborg ninja.
Raiden is ensnared by the tentacles of half mechanical two legged beasts called geckos. Struggle as he might, he just cannot break free.
It's not long before Raiden's mechanically enhanced hearing picks up the sound of thundering footsteps and it's somebody much worse than Vamp who's coming.
Towering above Raiden and flanked by the deadly IG-100 MagnaGuards, General Grievous looks ugly. He's an ivory coloured monstrosity that looks like he was set on fire and put out with a shovel. He easily looks like he could kill everyone in a thousand mile radius and enjoy it.
Never one for witty banter, General Grievous immediately grabs Raiden's throat with his massive six clawed hand and punches Raiden in the face with the other. The force of the blow shatters Raiden's plastic visor and breaks his nose.
Almost turned on by the sight of blood, Grievous throws a razor sharp knee into Raiden's side. The young man groans as his side is cut open and artificial white blood spills out.
Undaunted, Raiden dares to look General Grievous in the eye; something very few have been able to do. This act of defiance ruffles Grievous's feathers.
Grievous's body shakes as he let out a wet cough but soon shakes it off. Using a razor sharp finger, he slashes open a wound in Raiden's midriff, more white blood spills out. "Are you a droid?" the General's voice is low and deadly.
"Nah," Raiden sneers. "I'm no droid. But I wonder what kind of dickless halfwit chooses to become a sideshow freak like you."
Growling, Grievous suddenly doesn't give a shit what Lord Sideous or Liquid Ocelot have to say. The pair of them can go fuck themselves. Nobody fucks with the Scourge of the Huks.
Not wasting another word, Grievous pulls a lightsabre at random from his belt and ignites it. The glowing blade stands out brightly as Grievous prepares to cut off Raiden's head when all of the sudden—
BANG!
The end of the lightsabre explodes and the weapon shuts down. Solid Snake fired a sniper's bullet at Grievous's weapon. Another bullet cuts through a gecko's tentacle and gives Raiden the opening he needs.
Immediately, Raiden's left fist shoots out and knocks back General Grievous. The force of the blow is enough to crush a man like a toothpick and punch through a concrete wall, but it merely irritates Grievous.
As he goes flying back, Grievous's talloned feet dig into the ground and stop his momentum. Grievous glares at Raiden as if he'll enjoy raping the aggravating little bishie.
Not losing a second, Raiden reaches to his belt and pulls out is high frequency sword. Slicing through the tentacle around his arm. Immediately after, he leaps onto his hands and starts to swing around the two remaining geckos holding onto him through the air.
In some kind of bizarre break dancing move, Raiden's legs easily slip through the air even though they're weighed down by multi-ton bipedal cyborgs.
Outraged by the incompetence and worthlessness of the geckos, Grievous yells for his body guards to get the job done. "TEAR HIS FUCKING LIMBS OFF!"
Wordlessly, the Magnaguards move to obey. As they charge forward, Raiden cuts the tentacles holding the geckos to him and the large fighting machines go flying right into the MagnaGuards.
Without much effort, the fearsome fighting machines swat aside the geckos like nothing. A quick strike of a Magna staff crushed the whole left side of a gecko's reactive armour carapace and instantly kills it.
Suddenly the Magna guard falls to the ground, one of its heavily armoured legs sliced off. Raiden swings his sword to decapitate the killer droid but the General's body guard rolls out of the way and strikes at Raiden with its staff.
Raiden blocks the strike from the downed droid with his sword while simultaneously shooting out a kick at the other guard, knocking away its staff and sending it spinning.
Shooting up like a spring, the one legged MagnaGuard jumps up on its remaining leg and starts to try to kill Raiden.
Sparks fly as Raiden's sword slices small splinters off of the nearly indestructible phrik alloy. The droid that went flying tries to strike Raiden from behind but he sidesteps the blow and ends up hitting its partner droid.
While this is happening, the last two geckos have blundered in like the dumb animals their dim AI's attempt to emulate. One of the half machine, half biological beasts tries to stomp on Raiden, only to have its powerful organic leg sliced off.
Raiden jumps on top of another gecko and thrusts his sword directly into the machine's central processor.
As he jumps off of the gecko, his sword strikes true and slices the head off of a MagnaGuard, but the tenacious droid keeps fighting despite the loss of its head.
The MagnaGuard kicks the bucket when a lightsabre blade slices it in half and almost takes Raiden's head off. One shade slower and Raiden would have lost his melon.
Growling like a mad animal, Grievous swings with his lightsabre. Despite his size, Grievous is every bit as agile as Raiden. Like the striking crocodile, Grievous brings thousands of pounds of bite power in a fraction of a second. But Raiden is no hapless antelope. He's a striking Cobra.
Grievous swings at Raiden with his lightsabre, alternately striking out with razor sharp feet, hands, elbows and knees. Not a single one of these strikes hits Raiden, who skilfully dances out of the way each strike.
The remaining MagnaGuard charges at Raiden, but a few quick slices leaves the droid into nothing more than high priced scrap metal.
Jumping back, Grievous and Raiden circle each other and look for an opening. They glare at each other for a split second; yellow eyes meet blue.
Despite his seeming rage, Grievous is perfectly in control of his actions. His technique is flawless and he has a strategy in mind to slay his foe.
After only the span of a few eye blinks, the two fighters charge at each other like two opposing winds.
There is a mighty noise as they fly past each other and for a second, they stop. The General is hugely shocked when he sees that his lightsabre shuts down. In his own hand, the lightsabre falls in two, cut in half by Raiden's sword.
Grinding his sharp talons in fury over the cobble stones, Grievous pulls out his customized blaster pistol, the Grievance Striker. A marksman as well as a swordsman, Grievous shoots at Raiden's head with no posture or warning.
Raiden leaps like a grasshopper to avoid the deadly rain of blaster fire; accurate by both decades of practice and high powered targeting computers in his cybernetic brain.
He cannot keep it up. As good as he is at dodging, Grievous is better at shooting, so Raiden takes a gamble.
Holding his sword like a spear, Raiden hurls his weapon at Grievous with the javelin accuracy of an ancient Greek hoplite hurling a spear.
Sparks fly as Raiden perfectly puts his sword right through the barrel of the Grievance Striker, making the weapon useless.
Grievous narrows his eyes at the puny little bitch who dares to defy him. He regrets not having a mouth anymore; because he wants to sink his teeth into Raiden's eye and tear it right out.
Raiden reaches for a gun at his belt, pulling back the slide on the Five-seveN. General Grievous is not only the one around here with knowledge of how to put bullets into a target.
It is at this point that General Grievous goes all out. His armoured and deadly arms split into four arms and those four arms each grab a lightsabre from inside of his cloak.
As he sprints at Raiden, his four arms begin to spin around his body in a circular orbit so that it looks like General Grievous has become a giant laser buzz saw of death.
The new cyborg ninja empties the clip at Grievous but the armour piercing bullets merely bounce harmlessly off his armour like the shot from a BB gun.
Changing his approach, Raiden tries to shoot General Grievous in the eye but none doing. Using his spinning lightsabres, Grievous blocks the bullets fired at his eyes. The little projectiles instantly vaporize and the General's reptilian eyes continue to see.
Smirking a little bit, Raiden puts away the pistol and grabs for another weapon from his belt; one which was specially purchased from Drebin the weapons launderer.
As Grievous is almost on Raiden, the blond youth leaps up into the air. While he sails through the air, General Grievous jumps up in a bit to bisect his opponent. One of the lightsabre tips whizzes past Raiden's face, slicing through a lock of blonde hair as it does.
Raiden lands behind Grievous just in time to see the General's whole torso rotate like a lazy Suzan to face Raiden.
To the surprise of the half Kaleesh, half mechanical monster; Raiden is holding up some kind of strange gun at him.
"SUNLIGHT!" shouts Raiden before shooting his gun.
The battle notwithstanding, this has to be the least intimidating battle cry that General Grievous has ever heard.
Grievous moves to block the sunlight beam with his lightsabre but something unexpected happens. Instead of being deflected in a neat fashion like a blaster, the sunbeam bursts into a spray of light and knocks back the general.
Grievous frantically springs up and tries to blink the sun blindness out of his eyes. Reaching into his cape, he finds that all his lightsabres are missing and so is his backup blaster.
Though his eyesight is temporarily impaired, Grievous can perfectly hear the sound of Raiden's sword fling in an arc towards his neck.
Jumping up like a grasshopper, Grievous avoids Raiden's blade at the cost of his cape. The high frequency sword slices Grievous's cape in half.
As his momentum takes him skyward, Grievous's four arms combine back into two and he waves his limbs to try and keep from landing on his head when gravity takes to pulling on him again.
Grievous lands as gracefully as can be for someone who's lost his eyesight. He lands on top of four human soldiers and two clone troopers. Three of the four humans are killed and with a sweep of his hand, Grievous decapitates the remaining biological soldiers.
Tearing off his cape, Grievous hits a button to summon his personal star ship. This shit has gone too far and it's time for him to leave the battlefield.
It's not too long however before General Grievous's vision slowly returns. In the sky, the General's newly sighted eyes can see his private star ship cutting through the war torn skies.
The General's good mood is ruined when his ship is show down by a missile. Spinning around, Grievous can see the figure of Raiden, as timely as the angel of death.
For a moment, fear overcomes the General for no other foes of his have shown such tenacity before.
With his prey in sight, Raiden loads another missile and fires it at the General.
Snapping out of his state of fear, General Grievous blinks his eyes as the speeding missile comes at him too fast for most organics to comprehend.
Falling back on years of training and his own warrior instinct, Grievous's hands shoot out and catch the missile in midair, only feet from his chest before turning it around and flinging it at Raiden like a harpoon.
Dropping the rocket launcher, Raiden charges forward.
There is little that the missile can do to correct such a radical course adjustment but that's not a problem Raiden has to worry about.
Swinging his sword overhead, Raiden slices the missile in half and the two pieces blow up two separate buildings behind him.
Launching himself forward like a meteorite, Raiden thrusts his sword right towards General Grievous's right eye—
Only for General Grievous to catch the blade of the sword between both hands.
Fear leads to anger, anger to hate and hate leads to suffering. Grievous truly believes in the catechism shared by both Sith and Jedi; although Grievous differs with the Jedi as to who suffers because of anger and hate.
Twisting sideways, Grievous snaps the blade of Raiden's sword in half.
Tackling his enemy to the ground, Grievous grabs Raiden with four hands; two hands rip chunks out of Raiden's mechanical guts and two hands grip his throat. "I WILL BREAK YOU!"
One hand, covered in white blood breaks off from ripping up Raiden's organs and grabs a discarded blaster from a fallen droid. The barrel of the blaster is pressed between Raiden's eyes.
Eye bulging and nostrils flaring, Raiden fights through the pain he's being subjected to. Before he breaks, he'll break his foe first.
Grabbing at one of the four arms, Raiden twists and the armoured limb twists and breaks in his arm like a paperclip.
Though Grievous feels no pain in his purely mechanical limbs but is shocked nonetheless by Raiden's strength.
Letting go of the mechanical limb, Raiden's hand shoots up and grabs Grievous by the face; driving his thumb violently into the General's eye. A strange ululation of pain reverberates through Grievous's organic lungs and synthetic vocal cords.
Raiden's thumb has broken through the protective transparent plate over the General's eyes, driving shards of transparent metal into the warrior's eye.
"No," Raiden gasps. "I'm going to break you."
Grievous's remaining eye widens as he hears the sound of the Gun de Sol powering up right before Raiden dumps the entire battery of the weapon into Grievous's chest.
General Grievous throws himself off of Raiden, dropping his blaster as he does. In agony, General Grievous stumbles around like a drunk; the cause of his injury is clear.
The Gun de Sol burst his chest wide open; the two halves of his armoured chest are pulled back to clearly expose his delicate organ sac which holds his last organic parts. His black heart beats faster with agony and terror that he may well be ended.
Grievous sees Raiden get up, despite his own guts hanging out and grab the working half of his sword. Just then, Grievous is hit by a most untimely coughing fit. Ordinarily such a fit would have the general feel like his breathing tubes were cut, but now his lungs are on fire and his vision is getting dim.
Through the oxygen deprivation from his damaged lungs, he gains awareness that Raiden has cut off one of his four arms.
Raiden raises his blade for a strike to the heart.
Suddenly, Grievous lurches forward and with one of his three fingered claws punches right through Raiden's mechanical heart.
The General can breathe easier now and he laughs as the oxygen returns to him—but his jubilation is short lived.
Raiden is dying, but he's not dead. Even with a fist through his heart, he still won't roll over and die.
Panicking, Grievous tries to pull his arm from Raiden's chest but it's stuck.
Coldly and knowing it's his last act, Raiden pulls back his fist and punches Grievous right tin the face. His fist collides with such force that the General's one remaining eye is temporarily knocked out of focus.
Raiden winds up again and punches Grievous once more, leaving some knuckle marks on Grievous's skull like face.
He winds up again, this time faster and punches his enemy in the face harder. He winds up and punches more ferociously and quicker. He punches and punches until his fist is a blur and it's hitting Grievous in the face like a jackhammer.
Under the onslaught of blows, Grievous's faceplate buckles and dents even though it's built so that the General could set off a landmine with his face and not get more than a scratch.
As Raiden pounds Grievous's stupid face, organic blood starts to pour from the cracks in the metal.
Finally, Raiden lets out a wordless cry full of rage, bitterness and regret. One last punch sends General Grievous flying into a wall. On the ground, Grievous's face plate lands on the ground like a broken mask.
Raiden takes a look into the sunlight and sees the chopper overhead. He can see Solid Snake screaming his name. Tears are streaking down the old veteran's face as he watches Raiden die down below.
Raiden's eyes don't close. He just sort of falls over, like a tree in a forest; and except for a handful of people, nobody is ever going to know or care that he fell.
General Grievous shrieks out in true fear for the first time in how long. Desperately, he covers his face with his two functional hands. One eye has gone dark and the other has turned black from ruptured blood vessels He hasn't felt this helpless and naked since . . . since his name was Qymaen jai Sheelal, a Kaleesh general who despite his tactical prowess couldn't stop the rape of his planet during the war with the insectile Huks.
Now, stripped of his trophies and magnificent adornment, he's just like the B&B corps; a hard outer shell protected by something more vulnerable than an egg, and now the shell has cracked.
Lurking like an eel, Grievous flees as quietly as he can, but not before Snake spots him from above and promises revenge. If Snake has his way, he'll hunt Grievous like the mad dog he is across the cosmos. He'll be lucky if the Jedi get him first.
Otacon pilots the chopper to safety—the mood is anything but jubilant.

---

Grievous Wins!
Kill Count:
Grievous: 570 kills
Lightsabre-270 kills
Grievance Striker-87 kills
E-5 Blaster Rifle-100
Magna Staff-113 kills
Raiden: 430 kills
High Frequency Sword-136 kills
Five-seveN-40 kills
FGM-148 Javelin-130
Gun de Sol-124
Geoff appears before the camera. "I'll be honest, this fight was a real nail biter, but in the end the results came through."
Max shows up next. "In this match, the Gun de Sol was highly effective. Despite its non-lethal aspect, its ability to disarm an opponent and disable their weapons weighted heavily in Raiden's favour. However the killing power of the lightsabre tipped the scales into Grievous's favour."
The scene briefly shows Cad Bane. He's kicking and screaming as British police officers handcuff him and toss him into the paddy wagon where he'll become a temporary guest of her Majesty's prison system before being shipped off to the nearest Republic prison moon.
Armand appears before the camera. "One thing that counted against Raiden was the fact that General Grievous was so heavily armoured. Very few of his weapons could break through that barrier. In the end, Grievous was the better killing machine."
Geoff then says to the camera. "Let's see what our experts have to say."
From the looks of things, Raiden has shown up and he's holding hands with Vamp. The two of them are getting married right here in the fight club—in Jewish tradition no less. Evidently Vamp is one of the Hebrew race.
As Raiden and Vamp smile and hold hands, Count Dooku has the honour of performing the Jewish wedding ritual, although it's a bit unorthodox.
Geoff, Armand and Max all stare wide eyed with stupefy as Solid Snake walks up to them, drinking the last of the coffee.
"Barukh atah hashem
Eloheinu melekh haolam" Count Dooku chants as he reads off of the Talmud.
For a moment, Vamp and Raiden are standing awfully close together and it looks like they're about to indulge in pre-marital sin when Count Dooku stops them.
"None of that please," the Count admonishes. "You may only kiss after the ceremony. There will be plenty of time to shake the earth during the honeymoon."
Geoff is almost at a loss for words. "What the hell is happening?"
"Fuck if I know," Snake responds. "But I gotta lie down; those pills for my back pain are hitting me like a truck."

(Now imagine Count Dooku Saying this)

---

And that's it for another exciting episode of Master of the Boot's Deadliest Warrior :) I sincerely hope that you've enjoyed the matchup and if you didn't guess the winner correctly then I'll give you a hug.
As for Vamp and Raiden getting married, the fighting they did had some pretty homoerotic moments, so it's not totally unprecedented. Plus don't you just love the idea of Count Dooku chanting in Hebrew? Dooku has such a sexy voice.
Next matchup will be a fan request. Following that, I'm going to take a pretty big risk and do my most controversial match ever. During that match, I will pit together two real life people in a duel to the death. I plan to avoid the pesky "no real persons" bit by fictionalizing both men's backgrounds sufficiently and there is an article in US law that allows for the use of real life characters in stories so I'll see what I can do about that.
I won't say who the two real life men will be but one of them is a religious leader and another is a famous British author. Points to anybody who can guess who the fighters will be.
Have fun and god bless. :D
Ta
Master of the Boot