Reboot Match listings

Master of the Boot's Deadliest Warrior: Reboot

Match listing

What follows is my new and upgraded list of fights for the coming battle :) I hope you enjoy, because it's going to be a wild ride. Now, remember that Raynor vs Mental will return in the future, but for now view these wonderful new and old fights. 

Thor vs Beelzeboss: The Mighty Thor is one of Marvel Comics strongest and most famous heroes. Beelzeboss is the most powerful and most pissed off incarnation of Lucifer in existence. If Thor loses, Beelzeboss will anal rape Ironman. If Thor wins, Beelzeboss will anal rape Ironman; he deserves it after the shit he pulled during the Marvel civil war. 

Captain America vs Bane: Steroids gav them their strength, but the fire within led these two men to defeat some of the strongest foes of their respective universes. Will Captain America throw down Bane and de-mask him? Or will Bane break the first Avenger?

The Winchesters vs the Mythbusters: Our first ever partner match, done in tag team style. One are a pair  of brothers who stopped the apocalypse and fight the supernatural wherever it rises. The other are two men who don't know fear, don't know pain, have borderline superhuman strength and use the power of science to put myths to rest. 

Please . . . don't try what you're about to see here at home. Ever!

Bill Nye the Science guy vs Walter White: At the end of the day, no matter who wins this match . . . science rules!

Sabaton vs Rammstein: Two bands. One the result of a World War one era science experiment gone horrifyingly wrong, yet right. The other the descendants of the Swedish gods. The ultimate battle of the bands is coming to you soon ;)

That shark will be one of the weapons used

Fuhrer Bradley vs Deadpool: The Merc with a mouth clashes against the man with the ultimate eye. Who lives, who dies? What're you asking me for? wait for the damn episode to come out!

The Locust Horde versus the Darwinists: Two armies who feed their war machines rather than oil them. However the Locusts prefer to feed their war machines warm human flesh. This isn't a battle of conquest or ideology; no, this is a battle for survival with the loser utterly annihilated. Survival of the fittest, I guess. 

Julius Ceaser vs Chopper Read: The famous imperator himself fights one on one with the most feared man in the Australian underworld. The conqueror of civilizations and butcher of his enemies fights a man who thinks that torture is fun and forcing a man to dig his own grave is impolite. Good times man, good times. 

Delta Squad vs Cobra Unit: They're the guys you call when things go horribly wrong. They're the guys you call when it totally, absolutely needs to get done and body counts are no object. Ah, you can almost smell the cordite. 

Duke Nukem vs Alex Mercer: Old vs Classic games come to a terrifying showdown when the king of one-liners and steroids takes on the famous prototype himself. In a terrifying dance of bombs, biomass and beer, who will win?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer vs Seras Victoria: It's a battle of the blondes as two of the most effective vampire killers in the world get into the ultimate battle as to who rules the night. Sunnydale is never going to be the same after this mess. 

Sora vs Hans Gunsche: Sora is tough and has faced the worst of the Disney Villains, but he'd better watch himself as the toughest werewolf in the universe goes gunning for him. Forget what you think you know and get ready for a fight so intense it'll crumble Walt Disney's bones into dust

Vampire Hunter D vs Darth Maul: These guys are men of few words and blunt and brutal action. The greatest assassin of the Sith goes head to head with the greatest vampire hunter of the Frontier. This can only end one way . . . 

One of these guys will lose his head, stay tuned to see who

Rob Zombie vs Carolus Rex: In a stunning showdown of darkness versus light, the god appointed King of Sweden fights against the Lord of the Necromancers. Holy magic will fight dark powers. Captive familiars will battle on behalf of their masters. Submachine guns will go up against cannons. And in the end, only one will remain. 

All of this and more, coming soon to you!!! 

Read!!!!

Review!!!

ENJOY!!!!!

Deadliest warrior Reboot: Preview

Master of the Boot's deadliest Warrior: The Reboot!

Author's note: I do not own either Attack on Titan, Deadliest Warrior or Bloodshot. 

Scene: 

The Three hosts from Deadliest appear on screen. 

Armand Dorian starts first, "First of all, we want to apologize on behalf of the author for the long hiatus of this story." 

Geoff goes next, "There's been jobs, marriage and a decision to join the army." 

Max finishes, "And frankly, Mental's horde vs Raynor's Raiders was just too exhausting to finish. But don't think that it's going to be cancelled." 

Armand smiles, "That's right! While Raynor vs Mental may be on hiatus, the show will go on. Unlike the hit series on spike, this bad boy is coming back." 

Geoff holds out his arms, "So let's all give a big round of applause as the story of the deadliest warriors continues!" 

Announcer: Let's fucking rock and roll!!!!!

DEADLIEST WARRIOR!

Announcer: After a long and hungry hiatus, we're back and better than ever before

The scene shows Geoff and Armand standing before a giant supercomputer. 

The computer technology is more advanced than ever

The next shot shows Alucard russian dancing on top of a table full of broken glassware

The moves are smoother than ever

A Tau fire warrior detonates a bomb that puts a crater in the ground the size of an aircraft carrier

The explosions are bigger than anything in your wildest dreams!!

Darth Maul and Vampire Hunter D sword duel over a volcanic pit

Avatar Korra dodges a strike from Abbadon the despoiler

A Tau fire Warrior lays down fire at a charging armoured bear

all of it to ask just one . . . single . . . question

Tony Jay, the dark voice laughs in pure evil as his plans unfold perfectly

WHO

IS

THE

DEADLIEST

WARRIOR!!!!!!!!!!

The deadliest warrior logo flashes on the screen

Announcer: here in the brand new refurbished fight club, the guys are ready to go, the simulations are ready to run and hopes are high. 

Geoff is gleeful, "After Spike cancelled us, I was so bummed out. But when the Court of Owls threatened to kill the Spike executives, we got a second chance at life." 

Armand dorian pulls out a human heart from a freezer, "While the show was cancelled, I was forced to make a living doing emergency surgeries for organized crime members." The tanned doctor shudders, "They paid well but I did thinks I never thought I'd have to do once I graduated from college." 

Mr Bean pops up from out of nowhere and gives the camera a knowing look, "If you know what I mean." Bean says suggestively before vanishing. 

Max appears behind a gigantic supercomputer, "While those two layabouts were doing nothing; I took the time and stole a government supercomputer for my simulations." He gestures to the mighty computing machine, "Say hello to the Cray Titan; able to compute at 17.59 petaFLOPS per second."

Cray Titan then speaks up in a monotone voice, "The petaFLOP is a measurement of calculations per second. Your choice to say "per second" is highly redundant." 

"Shut up!" Max yells at the computer. Then he adds, "Oh, we kept on Robert Daly to be our butt monkey." 

Over to the left is Robert, obliviously typing on his laptop while at the same time sitting inside a clear glass case full of scorpions. 

Geoff shows up again, while behind him a young Asian woman is practicing with a sword that looks like an exacto knife. "Today we're going to have two very brutal and frankly anti-social heroes fight for our viewers benefit. Mr Announcer guy?"

Announcer: Our first battle for the reboot shall be Eren Yeager!

Voted anime character most likely to join the Nazi party

Camera flashes to show a young boy in a grappling hook harness attacking a cannibalistic giant. 

The young man who sword to eradicate the Titan menace that plagued his world at any cost

Now the camera shows a dirty, grungy, pissed off looking man cradling a lead pipe covered in bloodstains. 

Announcer: Ethan Thomas! Once an accomplished FBI agent, he was driven into exile by the mysterious cult Oro Invictus. 

Drunk, tired and pissed off. Also armed

A clean shaven, straight laced Thomas morphs into a murderous, homeless Thomas battles with a psychotic group of rioters

Friendless and struggling with alcoholism, Ethan used the most blunt, brutal violence to battle an evil cult and put a stop to hardcore crime. 

Announcer: Eren's Childhood friends Mikasa Ackerman and Armin Arlert represent their friend as well as the Scouting legion. 

AKA: the Failionaire the failtrocity, 

The Asian girl from earlier opens up, "Eren will win this fight. He's fought murderous giants with a Wolverine like healing factor while Ethan spends his time killing homeless people." 

Is there a good reason she's not the main character?

The blonde boy ARmin pipes in, "Eren is more driven than anyone I know. For him killing titans is an obsession. Not to mention the fact that he can turn into a titan himself." 

At the point, the announcer says what we're all thinking about Armin.

Announcer: Hey homo, He-Man called; he wants his hair back.

At this, everyone in the studio except Mikasa starts to laugh at Armin; even Robert Daly. Armin blushes with extreme humiliation as several Asian farmers stop to mock him in their native language. 

An attractive African-American women appears on the camera, "My name is Lt Angel Rosa. As a forensic analyst, I worked with Ethan Thomas for years; before and after his fall into alcoholism. Ethan beat his alcohol addiction and he beat many unstoppable foes. He's skilled and strong enough to take on multiple armed enemies in hand to hand combat and he's highly intelligent; able to get inside the minds of the criminals he's hunting and locate clues that others would miss at a crime scene." 

Mikasa retorts to Rosa, "True to all of that, but Mr. Thomas has never fought a titan before." 

Rosa nods, "True, but Ethan has fought a rabid bear before. So he has at least some experience with large, murderous animals that can't be punched out." 

Announcer: Pierce Larue was an elite FBI member who accompanied Ethan on many of his journeys through a city that would make Spawn want to move to a better neighbourhood.

A bald Afro-American man in tactical gear who looks like Sergeant Johnson's grandfather appears with a smile and a wink. "Ethan is going to fuck up this little punk. This kid got eaten in episode five and didn't kill a single Titan until he became one. At least the first wave of guys on Saving Private Ryan knew they were fucked." 

The three hosts stand between the two groups of experts, "Well guys," says Geoff, "There's only one way to prove who will win." 

==STATS==

Ethan Thomas: 

Age: 35

Height--5'10''

Weight: 200 lbs

Eren Yeager: 

Age--15

Height--170 cm

weight--63 kg

==X-FACTORS==

Eren Yeager

Battle Skill: 9/10

Initiative:10/10

Strategy: 3/10

Teamwork:5/10

Passion: 10/10

Discipline:4/10

Ethan Thomas

Battle Skill: 9/10

Initiative:9/10

Strategy: 7/10

Teamwork:6/10

Passion: 610

Discipline:6/10

Geoff, Armand and Max stand beside the supercomputer Cray Titan. "So Cray," Says Geoff, "What can you tell us about the new X-factors?" 

Cray responds in a monotone voice, "Among other things, skills and initiative were factored in. Teamwork was also factored in because an inferior fighter can still sometimes win a fight if he gangs up on his foe and kicks the crap out of him with superior numbers." 

The computer continues, "In this case, Eren and Thomas were close in terms of battle skill, initiative  and teamwork. Both men suffer from slightly lower discipline, however Ethan Thomas highly defeats Yeager in terms of strategy. Ethan is frequently attacked by psychotic mobs and must use improvised tools and careful strategies lest he die. While quite honestly, Eren has fallen to titans easily when not in his shifter form." 

Armin and Mikasa walk up, only for Armin to scoff at the computer. "A plague on you! You're metal and plastic; you don't understand what Eren can do." 

Announcer: He understands you spread it like cream cheese for Eren

Armin shouts at the announcer, "Stop mocking me." 

Geoff ignores the announcer as Rosa and Larue approach, "Well I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I think we need to start doing some weapons testing." 

Armand shouts and gives Max a high five, "Yeah baby! I've missed this!!" 

The camera shifts to show three pig carcasses hanging from the ceiling. The shot pans to reveal the hosts and the experts. 

Geoff talks to Mikasa. "Okay, so what does Eren bring for his up close and personal game?" 

In response, the stoic asian girl holds up two swords that appear segmented like utility knives. "When fighting titans, every set of 3D maneuver gear comes with a set of disposable swords. These swords are built by first rate craftsmen to be both light and highly durable." 

She takes her sword and plugs it into the sheath connected to her 3D gear. "When a sword grows dull, as many titans have highly dense hides; we can replace that sword quickly and easily. The blade is forged titanium steel with a high carbon content and vanadium." 

Larue smack talks his rival. "Well that's a nice knife . . . for cutting thanksgiving dinner. Ethan will just take that and shove it up Eren's candy ass." 

Armin smacks talks back, and he's not very good at it. "Why you . . . Eren will . . . eat . . . Ethan's sack!" 

Crickets sound as everybody in the room looks at him funny. 

Announcer: You'd know a lot about biting sack, wouldn't you?" 

"Shut up!" Armin shouts. 

Ignoring the bickering, Geoff attacks two devices to Mikasa. "Okay, we've got a device to measure velocity on your wrist and on your sword. When you're ready, just take a swing." 

AT this, everyone steps back as Mikasa gets into fighting position. 

Geoff grabs a stop watch and gives it a kiss before proceeding. "Mikasa, you're on in 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . ATTACK ON TITAN!!!" 

What Mikasa does puts the cyborg ninja to shame. She leaps forward and spinning like sonic the hedgehog and cuts the three pig carcasses in half, midway through the chest.

Not to be outdone, Mikasa draws a second sword from her sheath and with two strikes at once beheads three pig carcasses. 

The girl says nothing, merely giving a bow. 

Rosa nods her head in approval. "That's impressive. If Eren is half as good as that, then Ethan had better watch his step." 

Armin pipes in, "Don't worry, Eren't nowhere near as good as Mikasa." 

"Shut up, Armin!" Mikasa shouts at Armin, throwing one of her swords like a spear. 

A terrified Armin breaks out into a sweat as Mikasa's sword sticks into the wall next to his head. "Don't you dare jeopardize Eren's chances at this!" she shouts. 

The room stays silent for several second before the announcer interrupts. 

Announcer: Let's just stay calm here. Now I believe if we can go for five minutes without killing one another we'll all be fine. 

About five minutes pass but we fast forward through it all 

Announcer: Mikasa proved herself a god with a blade, but now Ethan Thomas's experts go forth with an eclectic but effective collection of melee weapons. 

Pierce Larue stands in front of a small wooden table with several objects on it. "Now, Ethan normally prefers to give out knuckle sandwiches; but when the going gets tough; Ethan throws everything at his enemies but the kitchen sink." 

Illustrating his point, Larue picks up a brick, "Metro city has some of the worst zoning laws in the nation; piles of discarded bricks are more common than snowflakes at Christmas." 

He then grabs a two by four with nails sticking out of it, "Here's Jesus Christ superstar. Double what I said about shitty zoning laws. Can be found in almost any trash bin or old oil drum around the city." 

Next on the list is well . . . 

"A toilet seat!" Larue crows with a winning smile, "No further explanation." 

Last but not least is the most bizarre item on the list. "A flaming prosthetic arm! Now that's what I'm talking about." 

Armin looks at the table full of Ethan's weapons in disbelief. "What do you call all this garbage?" 

"We call it the quad. Ethan like to improvise his weapons, but he usually keeps a brick or plank on him at nearly all times. " 

Mikasa also adds her sense to the matter, "We bring a high quality sword. You bring four pieces of shit. "

Rosa cautions Mikasa, "You wouldn't say that if you could see what Ian has done." 

The camera changes and now Larue is standing in front of four ballistics gel dummies. 

The bearded Afro-police officer grins with excitement at the prospect of smashing heads; even if they are synthetic. 

Geoff gets his stop watch again, "Pierce, in 3 . . . 2 . . . 1. . . BLOODSHOT!!!!" 

Pierce gives out a loud roar and grabs the toilet seat. Throwing it as hard as he can, the "u" shaped piece of plastic slams into the neck of a dummy and knocks it over. 

He then grabs a brick and a two by four and goes to town. Strapping the brick to his belt, he takes the two by four and smashes a dummy across the head with it. The gel head bounces back and forth and a second strike totally rips out a synthetic eye. A third strike rips open the head and spills brains. 

Dropping the plank, Larue takes his brick and drives it as hard as he can into one of two standing dummies; there's a crunch and immediately fake blood gushes down the dummy's forehead. 

Running back to the table, he takes the fake arm, uses a match to light it on fire and then goes crazier. The FBI agent takes the claw on the flaming arm and disembowels the final dummy; spilling its guts and cooking them at the same time. 

"AND TIME!" Geoff shouts as he cuts the stop watch. "Twenty seconds and four casualties; I couldn't have wished for more." 

Now it's time to look at the destruction first hand. On come Armand's gloves. "Well, the guy who got hit by the toilet seat was an instant kill. The larynx is totally crushed from the impact." 

He examines the two blunt impact kills, "Both of these instant kills, but I want to draw your attention to the disembowelment." He points to spots where the gelatine has melted. "From what we can see here, where the burning fake arm tore out the intestines caused third degree burns. Not an instant kills but so agonizingly painful that it really would put Eren out of the fight." 

The three hosts take time to deliberate. "Ethan's weapons were brutal, effective and past video footage has shown Ethan can throw them as accurately as a firearm." Geoff states. 

Max however has a point, "True, but Ethan's swords killed three targets in less than a quarter of the time that Ethan needed to kill three. Not to mention that while Larue threw a toilet seat at fifty feet per second; Levi could throw his swords at least that fast if not faster." 

Cray Titan the computer speaks up, "Have you reached a decision?" 

The lads nod, "Yes we have," says Armand. 

EDGE: EREN YEAGER

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Stay tuned in for more :) My deadliest warrior story is back online! Sorry for the hiatus, I'm in the army, married and with a job in construction. But I'm back :) And I miss this shit so much. Expect to see updates on deviant art and on fan fiction.net. 

I love ya'll :)

TA

Vampire Hunter D vs Monkey D Luffy

Author's note: This was written for a Facebook tournament called Tournament of Superhumans. In this match, fabled Rubber Pirate Monkey D Luffy takes on the famous Vampire Hunter D. The fight also shows the famous Blood ravens led by the demented Commander Boreale. Also there are two characters called Stewart and Marcus, who are parodies of guys I know on Facebook. Enjoy this wild ride:D 

Vampire Hunter D vs Luffy D. Monke

Don't fuck with the monkey!

Monkey D. Luffy woke up with the worst hangover of his life and a pain in his neck almost as bad. "Damn," cursed the leader of the straw hat pirates. Blinking his big anime eyes, Luffy took in his environment; a dingy, windowless room that looked like it belonged in a sixteenth century castle. Gold and jewels had long tarnished and moths had eaten all the fabric that was worth more than what Luffy and his crew made in a year. Cleaning supplies deadlier than any Dark Eldar poison stocked the walls. The whole place screamed "vampire." 

Luffy began to remember it now in his simple brain. Gol D. Roger's treasure was locked away inside the castle of a vampire Noble. Even abandoned for centuries, the advanced automated defences and genetically engineered monstrosities would be daunting even for Luffy and his crew of badasses. So the answer was simple, hire Vampire Hunter D to help them bust into the castle and give him a share of the loot for his services.

After that Luffy's mind was one big blank. He winced and rubbed his neck. Getting off the cold floor, the pirate captain ran to find his crew and his friends.

The door of the closet was made form an advanced nano-particle boarding with a low grade adamantium frame; perfect for storing a Noble Vampire's cleaning supplies that were as deadly as anything. For Luffy's strength, the door broke apart in two hits.

Luffy didn't take long to find his friends . . . or Vampire Hunter D. 

Tremble in fear, bitches

Without a doubt, Vampire Hunter D was the most striking figure that Luffy had ever beheld; every bit as beautiful as Boa was. This didn't interest Luffy, he wasn't into dudes. What did concern Luffy was the fact that the Dhampir was currently surrounded by the dead bodies of Zorro, Nico Robin, and Nami.

Luffy's entire world froze in time as he took it all in. Took in the blood that dripped from the bisected body of Zorro. Took in the carnivorous flies that were buzzing towards the three wood needles in Nami's heart. And especially took in the sword that D had plunged into Nico's heart.

D yanked his blade from the just dead body of Luffy's former crewman. The supernaturally beautiful dhampire was as warm as stone and seemed to exclude equal parts sadness and apathy. D absentmindedly pulled Zorro's sword from his heart and threw it to the ground. The blade stuck into the exquisite marble floor coated in D's vermillion blood. 

Scanning with his beautiful blue eyes, D looked at Luffy and attacked. Wood needles shot through the air at hypersonic speeds. The needles shot through the air so fast they burst into flame at the tip. The projectiles sunk into stone wall behind the straw hat pirate but missed the main target.

Unbeknownst to Luffy, a small voice in D's left hand tried to dissuade the Dhampir from his current course of action. "D, for god's sake; just tell the kid what's going on. Don't--"

Whether D would have listened to Left hand or not would never be seen as Luffy decided to go at D like a rapid spider Monkey.

"Gommu Gommu no Bazooka!" Normally used as a finishing move, Luffy's two hands shot out and punched D right in the face. Even the normally lightning sharp reflexes of the vampire hunter were not enough to dodge this attack.

D was launched through the wall behind him, going right through several thick layers of marble, concrete, steel and neo-steel. Clouds of dust trailed D like a comet as he went rocketing through the air from the force of Luffy's blow.

As the Dhampir plunged to the ground many stories below like a stunned Bat, Luffy began to get ready to go into second gear when things began to get interesting.

Luffy heard the sound of steel cutting through air and moved aside. D's head twisted to the side as he watched Luffy bounce out of the way of is blade. Luffy cursed that the vampire hunter had come right back from what was usually a finishing move.

"Gommu Gommu no Gattling!" 

On command, Luffy's fist shot forth like a bullet. Then shot out again and again unit it looked like Luffy had sprouted a thousand arms and was punching D with them all.

D was taken off guard, Luffy's fists were hitting him harder than he had ever been struck before. D stood there just taking Luffy's hits; being beaten over and over again but refusing to back down.

The Captain of the straw hat pirates couldn't take his eyes off D. He's gone and murdered Luffy's friends and most likely drank their blood. It was an eye for an eye and Luffy was going to get his pound of flesh. He began to strike harder and harder at the half vampire foe. "Fall you pale bastard!" Luffy shouted at his enemy.

The response came by when D's left hand shot out, for D had been counting the time between each of Luffy's blows, just waiting until he could get his own blow in; for the straw hat pirates moved too fast for even the legendary D to see.

Monkey cried out as D grabbed his wrist and he felt razor sharp teeth of all things. Luffy glared at D with bloodshot eyes. D stared back with a impassive look; he said nothing. 

Holy shit, how does D masturbate?

D's blade started to come down faster than the human eye could perceive but Monkey was too sharp for that. Luffy sprung right at D just as his sword was about to come down on his wrist and turn him into Captain Hook.

Coils of rubber flesh wrapped around D's body with more strength than he could ever hope to break. Luffy twisted his head around so that he could get a good look at D before he choked him to death and made his head pop off. There was no way that D could escape, his hands and sword were bound up . . . but--D's leg had slid free of the coils and delivered a high almost vertical kick right at the rubber enemy's face.

It was Luffy's turn to be surprised by an attack of an enemy. He knew that kicking and punching him would do no harm so he didn't fear D's boot when it came flying at his face. Except that it was not D's sole or toe that he needed to be concerned about

Eye fluid ruptured and Luffy screamed in pain as D drove the spur of his boot into Monkey's left eye. Twisting his ankle, D ground the circular sharp blade into the soft eye tissue; like tearing open a balloon.

Writhing in agony, D slipped out of Luffy's grip while Luffy tugged at the shredded and torn eyeball that lay on his cheek.

Suddenly Luffy found himself on the retreat. Going into second gear speed, he lunged back; always just a few millimetres away from the deadly edge of D's blade. Unlike like other foes, D didn't try to taunt Luffy or talk smack to him; his sword was doing all the talking for him.

From his end, Luffy almost couldn't follow the speed of the dazzling blade. It slashed just over his chest. Recoiling in horror, Luffy realized that D's sword has sliced several large cuts into the fabric of his shirt; there was no room for error with an enemy like this.

Blood still pouring down his face, Luffy launched another rubber attack at the deadly Dhampir. "GEAR THIRD" he shouted as he put his thumb into his mouth

From D's left hand he could hear the useful parasite panic, "Shit, D, run!"

Easier said than done, it came at D with the same amount of power as a big bang cannon or some other Noble super weapon on steroids. Luffy's fist came at D the size of an aircraft carrier. It left D with no place to dodge and tore the castle of the vampire in half; impressive given that the castle was capable of surviving a direct hit from a nuclear attack.


Mortar and metal twisted and broke as a Vampire's castle that had six hundred and sixty-six floors just was ripped in half by the wrath of Monkey D. Luffy.

D's dead body landed in the middle of the courtyard where a hail of debris was falling with steadily increasing size, intensity and lethality. While chunks of masonry the size of cars began to fall, the Left hand began to frantically search for something very important.

"Damn you, D," Lefty cursed as he started to chew through a layer of moss and devil grass to get to the soil, "You could have just told that kid something. He walked in on you killing his friends! It doesn't matter if they were bitten. You never even told him that he was bitten."

As he gulped down the soil, the pieces of debris grew larger; Lefty could bring D back from the dead but he couldn't make him listen. Five thousand years had caused the lonely Dhampir to be set in his ways. The moment that he saw the pinprick holes in Luffy's neck, he knew that he young man had to die lest he wind up into the thing that D hated the most.

A steamed and furious Luffy was just starting to console himself with the death of D when he saw his foe rise up. Next time he'd just have to hit the Dhampir even harder.

"I'm the future Pirate King you asshole," a bereaved Luffy screamed at D while cocking his fist. "You're going to pay for what you did to my friends."

D by contrast didn't raise his voice above conversational tone and spoke to Luffy cooly while holding his sword out. "Luffy, your friends were bitten by a vampire; I had to kill them. You are also bitten; unless I kill you, you will turn. It is only a matter of time."

Luffy shook his head and subconsciously scratched his neck. "It's not true! You're lying!"

But before the two of them could start fighting it out again, the pair of them heard the sound of multiple heavy bolters just as the falling debris was laying off. The Noble's castle was mostly done falling but a heavy dust cloud was being kicked up. Still, monkey and D could see very plainly that they were being surrounded by--

"SPESS MEHREENS!" shouted a thickly accented voice. "Destroy teh fhoul xeno and mutant!" said Commander Indrick Boreale; chapter master of the Blood Ravens spess mehrens and freewheeling lunatic with a speech impediment. 

Instantly, the wrath of Teh Emprah came down on D and Luffy in the form of over a hundred bolters firing at them; another day at the office basically. Luffy jumped out of the way with the power of his third gear, evading the bolts like something in the Matrix. D did something no less spectacular.

Seemingly uncountable wooden needles flew through the air, igniting with friction in the air. The simple wood needles struck the bolts in the air and detonated the seventy-five calibre ordinance of the Imperium of man.

Elsewhere, Luffy activated his iron skin and laughed as the heavy bolters and chainswords bounced off of him. The space marines went down like bowling pins before Luffy's gatling fist. "Ha!" Luffy laughed, regaining some of his vigour and humour, "His pancreas came out his nose."

Boreale watched in fury as his men were humiliated by two deviant freaks in goofy hats. Luffy was playing ring around the rosie with his troops and beating them down like whack-a-mole while D had killed two space marines with his damnable sword. The leader of the Blood Ravens ducked his head as one of his brother marines went flying right through a bit of wall that was still standing. "I don't remember who you guys are, but when I'm done with D I'm teaching you guys a lesson you won't learn!"

Growing and uttering a mental prayer to the Emprah, Boreal grabbed his chainsword and adjusted the control nob; adjusting it from "overpowered" to "shithouse crazy."
Chainsword smoking and screaming like a Meatloaf album, Boreale charged Vampire Hunter D with the same fearlessness that he did everything in life. There was a fine line between bravery and stupidity and Commander Boreale tap-danced naked over that line ages ago. "You sided whith the Imperial Guard on Kuarava!" Boreale shouted above the shriek of his sword as he swung at D.

A meteor storm of sparks flew as D parried the strike at him, the monomolecular teeth of the chainsword scratching and clawing on D's fine blade like a hungry, wounded animal. Boreal's gritted his teeth and the blood vessel in his temple popped out; but as hard as he pressed down he found himself unable to overwhelm D.

Roaring like a raging pcp addict, Boreale pulled back and swung his sword downwards at D to slice him in twain in vicious parody of D's preferred killing method. D once again though caught the chainsword, chipping and damaging some of the admaantium teeth.

A flash of light went through the air and Boreale's prepared for another strike, only for his face to split in a shower of blood as D's blade slashed at his foe.

Boreale jumped back, blind from the blood in his eyes; truly D hadn't meant to kill him. D had other concerns far more pressing.

Luffy's fist sailed past D's head but only managed to knock the vampire hunter's hat off. D had figured out how to predict Luffy's strikes and dodge them before they were fired. Light as a feather, D ran as Luffy's battling attack struck behind him like a hail of bullets. Luffy gritted his teeth in anger at his foe who was rapidly adjusting his tactics to defeat the rubbery pirate.

Eyes widening, Luffy ducked milliseconds before one of D's daggers flew at his head and embedded itself in a stone wall. D flew down at Luffy like a bat swooping down on prey, cape spread like the wings of a devil and face like a warrior angel.

Luffy looked him in the eye and shouted, "THIS IS FOR MY FRIENDS!" and prepared to knock D's head right off. However D suddenly moved in midair and landed just to the left of Luffy; he swung his blade but the pirate artfully dodged it.

Luffy scowled and cocked his fist for an attack, "Gommu Gommu--splat!!!!

The straw hat looked in horror as his right arm detached from his body like a mannequin part. Blood poured from the wound; his iron skin defence hadn't even registered to D's sword. Still, Luffy was quick and lucky; D wasn't trying to take off his enemy's arm, but rather his head. D had missed; for the first time in a thousand years.

"GOMMU GOMMU NO PISTOL!" Luffy cried, spewing blood everywhere like something in Kill Bill

D however was once more ready. He thrust out his left hand and the continence carbuncle spewed out a freezing jet from some water he'd drank. A fine mist covered Luffy's arm and it froze--literally just a hair's width away from D's face. Shooting up in another kick, D's boot shot out and shattered Luffy's frozen arm; disarming his foe and fucking things up royally for Luffy.

D had the ball in his court. Luffy was armless and his sword was cutting through the air for the killing blow. But while he'd slain hundreds of foes who were more powerful than luffy, none of them possessed his tenacity or his optimism. So many would have despaired or resigned to going out swinging against an enemy like D. But to Luffy, he was just another pretty boy.

The Dhampir gagged, blood running down his chin. Sticking out of his chest was a broken branch, wrapped up by Luffy's foot. The Straw hat captain held the most murderous rage as he glared at D; even Abaddon the despoiler would have run like hell.

Armless, standing on one leg, Luffy had grabbed a broken tree branch and driven it into D's frozen, cold heart. And it wasn't just any old branch either, this was hawthorne. A species particularly deadly to vampires and their kind.

As D fell, Luffy breathed a sign of relief as the rain began to fall. he never noticed the Space marines fleeing on orders from Inquisitor Eisenhorne nor the police sirens. He never resisted arrest as policemen took him into custody.

EPILOGUE: 

Luffy sat in the  nuthouse waiting for his death. His captors, upon finding out that his friends were dead, decided to let him live and stew in his misery for a few years. The accommodations were sufficiently grim dark; a ghastly victorian padded room with a straight jacket. They'd ever given Luffy an eye patch to cover the one that D took

Bugs crawled over the meagre plate of "gruel" that had been provided for the dirty, wounded pirate.

A blinding light filled the dank room, scaring the cockroaches and critters. Luffy waited until his eye adjusted and took a good long look at his guest.

The man/boy before him ran a hand through his brunette hair and smoothed down his double breasted blue coat with sparkles. "Well Luffy, you were the horse I bet on and it's damn good that you came out on top."

"Who the hell are you?" asked Luffy with a curious, profane innocence.

The youth smiled and flicked tightened the string tie that he took from Colonel Sanders cold dead corpse. "Well, you can call me Stewart and as of right now I'm here to make you a deal?"

Luffy stood up straight in his straight jacket, "Hot digity! are you buying my soul? Okay, I want a real meal; Mega-Canadian Nachos, fried halapenos, french fries, a race car--

"No, you idiot," barked Stewart. "I'm giving you a deal to get your friends back."

This time, Luffy was truly rattled. "What?"

Stewart grinned, revealing rows of teeth covered in braces. "That's right. You see, I'm running a little tournament and the winner gets themselves a wish." He gave Luffy a measured look. "If you agree to fight in my tournament, I'll bring your friends back from the dead."

The mysterious visitor stepped back as Luffy's stretchy foot wagged in his face. "Look buddy, I wasn't born yesterday," Monkey scolded, "Nobody can bring back the dead and I ought to smack you."

Stewart grinned, "Does this look like the face of a liar. " Holding up one, bony, deformed hand, he snapped his fingers.

Monkey cried out as a mysterious force overtook him. The straight jacket fell off to reveal both of his arms regenerated. Reaching up for his eyepatch, Luffy tore it away to reveal a brand new eye; good as the old one.

"Don't believe me now?" questioned his dubious benefactor, "Your body is good as new. Not only that, but you have heightened resistance to hypnosis, superior resistance to heat in gear second as well as a few other things."

Snapping his fingers again produced D's fabled sword, daggers and wood needles. "I give you these weapons as well as the knowledge to use them directly into your brain." Stewart could start to see hesitation forming in Luffy's eyes. "And also, I will cure you of the vampire strain."

Luffy looked at Stewart with fear for the first time. "I'm not a vampire."

"Not yet, but in three days time, you'll fully transform into a blood sucking incestuosu fiend." He took a step forward. "Luffy, you didn't just kill D. You were hypnotized by a vampire and helped him bite all of your friends. When D saw that you were infected, he killed the lot of you; or at least tried."

"Shut up," grunted Luffy, as he fought to repress those memories. "I didn't do that to them." he denied to himself.

"I'm afraid you did, Monkey D. Luffy," Stewart said with false sympathy. "you stood and watched as your friends were fed upon by a vampire and then it put you in a closet for later study and enslavement. Face it, if you turn down my offer then I'll just let you turn into what D hated the most; the thing he saw every morning when he looked into the mirror."

Monkey began to scratch the puncture wounds in his neck. "I was tricked. I wasn't responsible for what I did."

He put a hand on Luffy's shoulder, pleading with him, "I'm telling you. I'm offering you a chance to fix it all. Don't you see," he spoke in a low tone, "If you win my tournament you have your friends back, free of the curse, free to sail the seas and find the one piece. Hell, I'll give you the one piece if you ask for it."

When Monkey still looked hesitant, Stewart pressed a small glass vial into his hand. "In the flask is a temporary cure for vampirism. When you run out, I will supply you with more. Win the final battle and I will give you a permanent cure."

Luffy looked down on the ground where Stewart had materialized D's weapons. Stewart glared expectantly at his pawn. This was not easy as it was planned. Finally, Luffy grinned at Stewart in a devil may care way. "Alright, I'll fight in your tournament; but if you screw me then when I die I will haunt your prostate."

Stewart blinked in confusion, "That's . . . great? Yeah, yeah, that's good." He chuckled, "Welcome to the Tournament of Super humans, Monkey."

"Yeah!" Luffy shouted, invigorated and reenergized with a goal now to strive for. "Let's rock and roll!" Then in a move that utterly disgusted Stewart, Luffy hawked a big lugie into his hand and shook Stewart's.

ELSEWHERE

A hand punched through the earth outside the mental asylum. Following it was a second hand. Out of the nameless grave came not some hideous revenant, but the Vampire Hunter D himself, raised by the magic of the left hand.

"Dammit D," the creature chuckled playfully, "That guy kicked your butt. I don't mean that he got the drop on you either. You had him on the ropes and he still took you down. Hell, he wasn't even all that into you." The little parasite began to chuckle.

"Quiet," said D in a harsh, heavenly voice. "My weapons are gone."

"Well you're welcome for me bringing you back," Said the sarcastic parasite. "So what now?"

D pointed a finger, "He's right there?"

"Oh sure, are you growing a sense of humour or--hey you're right!" the parasite exclaimed.

Just outside the insane asylum, Monkey and Gregor Eisenhorn were climbing into a white van labelled "Genies R Us." As the pair drove away, D saw the man in the blue sparkling coat climb into an bat like airplane made of cow leather and fly away.

D's mouth curled just into the slightest of sneers. "We have work to do."

==MEANWHILE==

Stewart flew his steam powered airplane, hovering over the full moon to freak out some villagers before returning to his lair.

Hitting a few buttons on the steam punk control panel, a TV monitor lined in brass came up. Appearing on the screen was a figure almost as colourful as Stewart himself.

"How is everything in the Brick Penis of Ahriman, Marcus?" Stewart enquired of the man in red robes with a triangular monocle.

Marcus wasn't in a good mood. "I'm trapped in a brick penis. What the hell else do you need to know?"

"I just wanted to report to you that your tournament is well in Kyle's hands," Kyle said with authentic friendliness.

"Bah!" MArcus sneered, "Your tournament is inferior to mine, so don't waste my time." His face cracked a smile, "Because right now I'm plotting my revenge. I've got some agents on the outside who are going to disassemble Jamie's bicycle and turn it into an H bomb on wheels!"

"Marcus, you've losing it," said Stewart. "Besides, my tournament is better than yours."

"Oh yeah, smarts?" Marcus demanded, "Well then to settle it, we'll have your tarantula fight my rat in the horse head nebula!"

"Done!" shouted Stewart just as the warp engines of his plane kicked in. "Your rat will die you war hammer loser!"

Marcus gave Stewart the middle finger before shutting off the communication from his end."

I hope you enjoyed that :) I've been gone for what feels like forever. And now that I'm married I can't write as much as I used to but I'm writing again. Right now I'm working on Mental vs Raynor, which I lost due to virus. For now, I honestly hope that you enjoyed this. I've never seen or read one piece, so I hope I didn't fuck up Luffy's character too bad ;)