Author's note: This was written for a Facebook tournament called Tournament of Superhumans. In this match, fabled Rubber Pirate Monkey D Luffy takes on the famous Vampire Hunter D. The fight also shows the famous Blood ravens led by the demented Commander Boreale. Also there are two characters called Stewart and Marcus, who are parodies of guys I know on Facebook. Enjoy this wild ride:D
Vampire Hunter D vs Luffy D. Monke
Monkey D. Luffy woke up with the worst hangover of his life and a pain in his neck almost as bad. "Damn," cursed the leader of the straw hat pirates. Blinking his big anime eyes, Luffy took in his environment; a dingy, windowless room that looked like it belonged in a sixteenth century castle. Gold and jewels had long tarnished and moths had eaten all the fabric that was worth more than what Luffy and his crew made in a year. Cleaning supplies deadlier than any Dark Eldar poison stocked the walls. The whole place screamed "vampire."
Luffy began to remember it now in his simple brain. Gol D. Roger's treasure was locked away inside the castle of a vampire Noble. Even abandoned for centuries, the advanced automated defences and genetically engineered monstrosities would be daunting even for Luffy and his crew of badasses. So the answer was simple, hire Vampire Hunter D to help them bust into the castle and give him a share of the loot for his services.
After that Luffy's mind was one big blank. He winced and rubbed his neck. Getting off the cold floor, the pirate captain ran to find his crew and his friends.
The door of the closet was made form an advanced nano-particle boarding with a low grade adamantium frame; perfect for storing a Noble Vampire's cleaning supplies that were as deadly as anything. For Luffy's strength, the door broke apart in two hits.
Luffy didn't take long to find his friends . . . or Vampire Hunter D.
Without a doubt, Vampire Hunter D was the most striking figure that Luffy had ever beheld; every bit as beautiful as Boa was. This didn't interest Luffy, he wasn't into dudes. What did concern Luffy was the fact that the Dhampir was currently surrounded by the dead bodies of Zorro, Nico Robin, and Nami.
Luffy's entire world froze in time as he took it all in. Took in the blood that dripped from the bisected body of Zorro. Took in the carnivorous flies that were buzzing towards the three wood needles in Nami's heart. And especially took in the sword that D had plunged into Nico's heart.
D yanked his blade from the just dead body of Luffy's former crewman. The supernaturally beautiful dhampire was as warm as stone and seemed to exclude equal parts sadness and apathy. D absentmindedly pulled Zorro's sword from his heart and threw it to the ground. The blade stuck into the exquisite marble floor coated in D's vermillion blood.
Scanning with his beautiful blue eyes, D looked at Luffy and attacked. Wood needles shot through the air at hypersonic speeds. The needles shot through the air so fast they burst into flame at the tip. The projectiles sunk into stone wall behind the straw hat pirate but missed the main target.
Unbeknownst to Luffy, a small voice in D's left hand tried to dissuade the Dhampir from his current course of action. "D, for god's sake; just tell the kid what's going on. Don't--"
Whether D would have listened to Left hand or not would never be seen as Luffy decided to go at D like a rapid spider Monkey.
"Gommu Gommu no Bazooka!" Normally used as a finishing move, Luffy's two hands shot out and punched D right in the face. Even the normally lightning sharp reflexes of the vampire hunter were not enough to dodge this attack.
D was launched through the wall behind him, going right through several thick layers of marble, concrete, steel and neo-steel. Clouds of dust trailed D like a comet as he went rocketing through the air from the force of Luffy's blow.
As the Dhampir plunged to the ground many stories below like a stunned Bat, Luffy began to get ready to go into second gear when things began to get interesting.
Luffy heard the sound of steel cutting through air and moved aside. D's head twisted to the side as he watched Luffy bounce out of the way of is blade. Luffy cursed that the vampire hunter had come right back from what was usually a finishing move.
"Gommu Gommu no Gattling!"
On command, Luffy's fist shot forth like a bullet. Then shot out again and again unit it looked like Luffy had sprouted a thousand arms and was punching D with them all.
D was taken off guard, Luffy's fists were hitting him harder than he had ever been struck before. D stood there just taking Luffy's hits; being beaten over and over again but refusing to back down.
The Captain of the straw hat pirates couldn't take his eyes off D. He's gone and murdered Luffy's friends and most likely drank their blood. It was an eye for an eye and Luffy was going to get his pound of flesh. He began to strike harder and harder at the half vampire foe. "Fall you pale bastard!" Luffy shouted at his enemy.
The response came by when D's left hand shot out, for D had been counting the time between each of Luffy's blows, just waiting until he could get his own blow in; for the straw hat pirates moved too fast for even the legendary D to see.
Monkey cried out as D grabbed his wrist and he felt razor sharp teeth of all things. Luffy glared at D with bloodshot eyes. D stared back with a impassive look; he said nothing.
D's blade started to come down faster than the human eye could perceive but Monkey was too sharp for that. Luffy sprung right at D just as his sword was about to come down on his wrist and turn him into Captain Hook.
Coils of rubber flesh wrapped around D's body with more strength than he could ever hope to break. Luffy twisted his head around so that he could get a good look at D before he choked him to death and made his head pop off. There was no way that D could escape, his hands and sword were bound up . . . but--D's leg had slid free of the coils and delivered a high almost vertical kick right at the rubber enemy's face.
It was Luffy's turn to be surprised by an attack of an enemy. He knew that kicking and punching him would do no harm so he didn't fear D's boot when it came flying at his face. Except that it was not D's sole or toe that he needed to be concerned about
Eye fluid ruptured and Luffy screamed in pain as D drove the spur of his boot into Monkey's left eye. Twisting his ankle, D ground the circular sharp blade into the soft eye tissue; like tearing open a balloon.
Writhing in agony, D slipped out of Luffy's grip while Luffy tugged at the shredded and torn eyeball that lay on his cheek.
Suddenly Luffy found himself on the retreat. Going into second gear speed, he lunged back; always just a few millimetres away from the deadly edge of D's blade. Unlike like other foes, D didn't try to taunt Luffy or talk smack to him; his sword was doing all the talking for him.
From his end, Luffy almost couldn't follow the speed of the dazzling blade. It slashed just over his chest. Recoiling in horror, Luffy realized that D's sword has sliced several large cuts into the fabric of his shirt; there was no room for error with an enemy like this.
Blood still pouring down his face, Luffy launched another rubber attack at the deadly Dhampir. "GEAR THIRD" he shouted as he put his thumb into his mouth
From D's left hand he could hear the useful parasite panic, "Shit, D, run!"
Easier said than done, it came at D with the same amount of power as a big bang cannon or some other Noble super weapon on steroids. Luffy's fist came at D the size of an aircraft carrier. It left D with no place to dodge and tore the castle of the vampire in half; impressive given that the castle was capable of surviving a direct hit from a nuclear attack.
Mortar and metal twisted and broke as a Vampire's castle that had six hundred and sixty-six floors just was ripped in half by the wrath of Monkey D. Luffy.
D's dead body landed in the middle of the courtyard where a hail of debris was falling with steadily increasing size, intensity and lethality. While chunks of masonry the size of cars began to fall, the Left hand began to frantically search for something very important.
"Damn you, D," Lefty cursed as he started to chew through a layer of moss and devil grass to get to the soil, "You could have just told that kid something. He walked in on you killing his friends! It doesn't matter if they were bitten. You never even told him that he was bitten."
As he gulped down the soil, the pieces of debris grew larger; Lefty could bring D back from the dead but he couldn't make him listen. Five thousand years had caused the lonely Dhampir to be set in his ways. The moment that he saw the pinprick holes in Luffy's neck, he knew that he young man had to die lest he wind up into the thing that D hated the most.
A steamed and furious Luffy was just starting to console himself with the death of D when he saw his foe rise up. Next time he'd just have to hit the Dhampir even harder.
"I'm the future Pirate King you asshole," a bereaved Luffy screamed at D while cocking his fist. "You're going to pay for what you did to my friends."
D by contrast didn't raise his voice above conversational tone and spoke to Luffy cooly while holding his sword out. "Luffy, your friends were bitten by a vampire; I had to kill them. You are also bitten; unless I kill you, you will turn. It is only a matter of time."
Luffy shook his head and subconsciously scratched his neck. "It's not true! You're lying!"
But before the two of them could start fighting it out again, the pair of them heard the sound of multiple heavy bolters just as the falling debris was laying off. The Noble's castle was mostly done falling but a heavy dust cloud was being kicked up. Still, monkey and D could see very plainly that they were being surrounded by--
"SPESS MEHREENS!" shouted a thickly accented voice. "Destroy teh fhoul xeno and mutant!" said Commander Indrick Boreale; chapter master of the Blood Ravens spess mehrens and freewheeling lunatic with a speech impediment.
Instantly, the wrath of Teh Emprah came down on D and Luffy in the form of over a hundred bolters firing at them; another day at the office basically. Luffy jumped out of the way with the power of his third gear, evading the bolts like something in the Matrix. D did something no less spectacular.
Seemingly uncountable wooden needles flew through the air, igniting with friction in the air. The simple wood needles struck the bolts in the air and detonated the seventy-five calibre ordinance of the Imperium of man.
Elsewhere, Luffy activated his iron skin and laughed as the heavy bolters and chainswords bounced off of him. The space marines went down like bowling pins before Luffy's gatling fist. "Ha!" Luffy laughed, regaining some of his vigour and humour, "His pancreas came out his nose."
Boreale watched in fury as his men were humiliated by two deviant freaks in goofy hats. Luffy was playing ring around the rosie with his troops and beating them down like whack-a-mole while D had killed two space marines with his damnable sword. The leader of the Blood Ravens ducked his head as one of his brother marines went flying right through a bit of wall that was still standing. "I don't remember who you guys are, but when I'm done with D I'm teaching you guys a lesson you won't learn!"
Growing and uttering a mental prayer to the Emprah, Boreal grabbed his chainsword and adjusted the control nob; adjusting it from "overpowered" to "shithouse crazy."
Chainsword smoking and screaming like a Meatloaf album, Boreale charged Vampire Hunter D with the same fearlessness that he did everything in life. There was a fine line between bravery and stupidity and Commander Boreale tap-danced naked over that line ages ago. "You sided whith the Imperial Guard on Kuarava!" Boreale shouted above the shriek of his sword as he swung at D.
A meteor storm of sparks flew as D parried the strike at him, the monomolecular teeth of the chainsword scratching and clawing on D's fine blade like a hungry, wounded animal. Boreal's gritted his teeth and the blood vessel in his temple popped out; but as hard as he pressed down he found himself unable to overwhelm D.
Roaring like a raging pcp addict, Boreale pulled back and swung his sword downwards at D to slice him in twain in vicious parody of D's preferred killing method. D once again though caught the chainsword, chipping and damaging some of the admaantium teeth.
A flash of light went through the air and Boreale's prepared for another strike, only for his face to split in a shower of blood as D's blade slashed at his foe.
Boreale jumped back, blind from the blood in his eyes; truly D hadn't meant to kill him. D had other concerns far more pressing.
Luffy's fist sailed past D's head but only managed to knock the vampire hunter's hat off. D had figured out how to predict Luffy's strikes and dodge them before they were fired. Light as a feather, D ran as Luffy's battling attack struck behind him like a hail of bullets. Luffy gritted his teeth in anger at his foe who was rapidly adjusting his tactics to defeat the rubbery pirate.
Eyes widening, Luffy ducked milliseconds before one of D's daggers flew at his head and embedded itself in a stone wall. D flew down at Luffy like a bat swooping down on prey, cape spread like the wings of a devil and face like a warrior angel.
Luffy looked him in the eye and shouted, "THIS IS FOR MY FRIENDS!" and prepared to knock D's head right off. However D suddenly moved in midair and landed just to the left of Luffy; he swung his blade but the pirate artfully dodged it.
Luffy scowled and cocked his fist for an attack, "Gommu Gommu--splat!!!!
The straw hat looked in horror as his right arm detached from his body like a mannequin part. Blood poured from the wound; his iron skin defence hadn't even registered to D's sword. Still, Luffy was quick and lucky; D wasn't trying to take off his enemy's arm, but rather his head. D had missed; for the first time in a thousand years.
"GOMMU GOMMU NO PISTOL!" Luffy cried, spewing blood everywhere like something in Kill Bill
D however was once more ready. He thrust out his left hand and the continence carbuncle spewed out a freezing jet from some water he'd drank. A fine mist covered Luffy's arm and it froze--literally just a hair's width away from D's face. Shooting up in another kick, D's boot shot out and shattered Luffy's frozen arm; disarming his foe and fucking things up royally for Luffy.
D had the ball in his court. Luffy was armless and his sword was cutting through the air for the killing blow. But while he'd slain hundreds of foes who were more powerful than luffy, none of them possessed his tenacity or his optimism. So many would have despaired or resigned to going out swinging against an enemy like D. But to Luffy, he was just another pretty boy.
The Dhampir gagged, blood running down his chin. Sticking out of his chest was a broken branch, wrapped up by Luffy's foot. The Straw hat captain held the most murderous rage as he glared at D; even Abaddon the despoiler would have run like hell.
Armless, standing on one leg, Luffy had grabbed a broken tree branch and driven it into D's frozen, cold heart. And it wasn't just any old branch either, this was hawthorne. A species particularly deadly to vampires and their kind.
As D fell, Luffy breathed a sign of relief as the rain began to fall. he never noticed the Space marines fleeing on orders from Inquisitor Eisenhorne nor the police sirens. He never resisted arrest as policemen took him into custody.
EPILOGUE:
Luffy sat in the nuthouse waiting for his death. His captors, upon finding out that his friends were dead, decided to let him live and stew in his misery for a few years. The accommodations were sufficiently grim dark; a ghastly victorian padded room with a straight jacket. They'd ever given Luffy an eye patch to cover the one that D took
Bugs crawled over the meagre plate of "gruel" that had been provided for the dirty, wounded pirate.
A blinding light filled the dank room, scaring the cockroaches and critters. Luffy waited until his eye adjusted and took a good long look at his guest.
The man/boy before him ran a hand through his brunette hair and smoothed down his double breasted blue coat with sparkles. "Well Luffy, you were the horse I bet on and it's damn good that you came out on top."
"Who the hell are you?" asked Luffy with a curious, profane innocence.
The youth smiled and flicked tightened the string tie that he took from Colonel Sanders cold dead corpse. "Well, you can call me Stewart and as of right now I'm here to make you a deal?"
Luffy stood up straight in his straight jacket, "Hot digity! are you buying my soul? Okay, I want a real meal; Mega-Canadian Nachos, fried halapenos, french fries, a race car--
"No, you idiot," barked Stewart. "I'm giving you a deal to get your friends back."
This time, Luffy was truly rattled. "What?"
Stewart grinned, revealing rows of teeth covered in braces. "That's right. You see, I'm running a little tournament and the winner gets themselves a wish." He gave Luffy a measured look. "If you agree to fight in my tournament, I'll bring your friends back from the dead."
The mysterious visitor stepped back as Luffy's stretchy foot wagged in his face. "Look buddy, I wasn't born yesterday," Monkey scolded, "Nobody can bring back the dead and I ought to smack you."
Stewart grinned, "Does this look like the face of a liar. " Holding up one, bony, deformed hand, he snapped his fingers.
Monkey cried out as a mysterious force overtook him. The straight jacket fell off to reveal both of his arms regenerated. Reaching up for his eyepatch, Luffy tore it away to reveal a brand new eye; good as the old one.
"Don't believe me now?" questioned his dubious benefactor, "Your body is good as new. Not only that, but you have heightened resistance to hypnosis, superior resistance to heat in gear second as well as a few other things."
Snapping his fingers again produced D's fabled sword, daggers and wood needles. "I give you these weapons as well as the knowledge to use them directly into your brain." Stewart could start to see hesitation forming in Luffy's eyes. "And also, I will cure you of the vampire strain."
Luffy looked at Stewart with fear for the first time. "I'm not a vampire."
"Not yet, but in three days time, you'll fully transform into a blood sucking incestuosu fiend." He took a step forward. "Luffy, you didn't just kill D. You were hypnotized by a vampire and helped him bite all of your friends. When D saw that you were infected, he killed the lot of you; or at least tried."
"Shut up," grunted Luffy, as he fought to repress those memories. "I didn't do that to them." he denied to himself.
"I'm afraid you did, Monkey D. Luffy," Stewart said with false sympathy. "you stood and watched as your friends were fed upon by a vampire and then it put you in a closet for later study and enslavement. Face it, if you turn down my offer then I'll just let you turn into what D hated the most; the thing he saw every morning when he looked into the mirror."
Monkey began to scratch the puncture wounds in his neck. "I was tricked. I wasn't responsible for what I did."
He put a hand on Luffy's shoulder, pleading with him, "I'm telling you. I'm offering you a chance to fix it all. Don't you see," he spoke in a low tone, "If you win my tournament you have your friends back, free of the curse, free to sail the seas and find the one piece. Hell, I'll give you the one piece if you ask for it."
When Monkey still looked hesitant, Stewart pressed a small glass vial into his hand. "In the flask is a temporary cure for vampirism. When you run out, I will supply you with more. Win the final battle and I will give you a permanent cure."
Luffy looked down on the ground where Stewart had materialized D's weapons. Stewart glared expectantly at his pawn. This was not easy as it was planned. Finally, Luffy grinned at Stewart in a devil may care way. "Alright, I'll fight in your tournament; but if you screw me then when I die I will haunt your prostate."
Stewart blinked in confusion, "That's . . . great? Yeah, yeah, that's good." He chuckled, "Welcome to the Tournament of Super humans, Monkey."
"Yeah!" Luffy shouted, invigorated and reenergized with a goal now to strive for. "Let's rock and roll!" Then in a move that utterly disgusted Stewart, Luffy hawked a big lugie into his hand and shook Stewart's.
ELSEWHERE
A hand punched through the earth outside the mental asylum. Following it was a second hand. Out of the nameless grave came not some hideous revenant, but the Vampire Hunter D himself, raised by the magic of the left hand.
"Dammit D," the creature chuckled playfully, "That guy kicked your butt. I don't mean that he got the drop on you either. You had him on the ropes and he still took you down. Hell, he wasn't even all that into you." The little parasite began to chuckle.
"Quiet," said D in a harsh, heavenly voice. "My weapons are gone."
"Well you're welcome for me bringing you back," Said the sarcastic parasite. "So what now?"
D pointed a finger, "He's right there?"
"Oh sure, are you growing a sense of humour or--hey you're right!" the parasite exclaimed.
Just outside the insane asylum, Monkey and Gregor Eisenhorn were climbing into a white van labelled "Genies R Us." As the pair drove away, D saw the man in the blue sparkling coat climb into an bat like airplane made of cow leather and fly away.
D's mouth curled just into the slightest of sneers. "We have work to do."
==MEANWHILE==
Stewart flew his steam powered airplane, hovering over the full moon to freak out some villagers before returning to his lair.
Hitting a few buttons on the steam punk control panel, a TV monitor lined in brass came up. Appearing on the screen was a figure almost as colourful as Stewart himself.
"How is everything in the Brick Penis of Ahriman, Marcus?" Stewart enquired of the man in red robes with a triangular monocle.
Marcus wasn't in a good mood. "I'm trapped in a brick penis. What the hell else do you need to know?"
"I just wanted to report to you that your tournament is well in Kyle's hands," Kyle said with authentic friendliness.
"Bah!" MArcus sneered, "Your tournament is inferior to mine, so don't waste my time." His face cracked a smile, "Because right now I'm plotting my revenge. I've got some agents on the outside who are going to disassemble Jamie's bicycle and turn it into an H bomb on wheels!"
"Marcus, you've losing it," said Stewart. "Besides, my tournament is better than yours."
"Oh yeah, smarts?" Marcus demanded, "Well then to settle it, we'll have your tarantula fight my rat in the horse head nebula!"
"Done!" shouted Stewart just as the warp engines of his plane kicked in. "Your rat will die you war hammer loser!"
Marcus gave Stewart the middle finger before shutting off the communication from his end."
I hope you enjoyed that :) I've been gone for what feels like forever. And now that I'm married I can't write as much as I used to but I'm writing again. Right now I'm working on Mental vs Raynor, which I lost due to virus. For now, I honestly hope that you enjoyed this. I've never seen or read one piece, so I hope I didn't fuck up Luffy's character too bad ;)
Vampire Hunter D vs Luffy D. Monke
Don't fuck with the monkey!
Monkey D. Luffy woke up with the worst hangover of his life and a pain in his neck almost as bad. "Damn," cursed the leader of the straw hat pirates. Blinking his big anime eyes, Luffy took in his environment; a dingy, windowless room that looked like it belonged in a sixteenth century castle. Gold and jewels had long tarnished and moths had eaten all the fabric that was worth more than what Luffy and his crew made in a year. Cleaning supplies deadlier than any Dark Eldar poison stocked the walls. The whole place screamed "vampire."
Luffy began to remember it now in his simple brain. Gol D. Roger's treasure was locked away inside the castle of a vampire Noble. Even abandoned for centuries, the advanced automated defences and genetically engineered monstrosities would be daunting even for Luffy and his crew of badasses. So the answer was simple, hire Vampire Hunter D to help them bust into the castle and give him a share of the loot for his services.
After that Luffy's mind was one big blank. He winced and rubbed his neck. Getting off the cold floor, the pirate captain ran to find his crew and his friends.
The door of the closet was made form an advanced nano-particle boarding with a low grade adamantium frame; perfect for storing a Noble Vampire's cleaning supplies that were as deadly as anything. For Luffy's strength, the door broke apart in two hits.
Luffy didn't take long to find his friends . . . or Vampire Hunter D.
Tremble in fear, bitches
Without a doubt, Vampire Hunter D was the most striking figure that Luffy had ever beheld; every bit as beautiful as Boa was. This didn't interest Luffy, he wasn't into dudes. What did concern Luffy was the fact that the Dhampir was currently surrounded by the dead bodies of Zorro, Nico Robin, and Nami.
Luffy's entire world froze in time as he took it all in. Took in the blood that dripped from the bisected body of Zorro. Took in the carnivorous flies that were buzzing towards the three wood needles in Nami's heart. And especially took in the sword that D had plunged into Nico's heart.
D yanked his blade from the just dead body of Luffy's former crewman. The supernaturally beautiful dhampire was as warm as stone and seemed to exclude equal parts sadness and apathy. D absentmindedly pulled Zorro's sword from his heart and threw it to the ground. The blade stuck into the exquisite marble floor coated in D's vermillion blood.
Scanning with his beautiful blue eyes, D looked at Luffy and attacked. Wood needles shot through the air at hypersonic speeds. The needles shot through the air so fast they burst into flame at the tip. The projectiles sunk into stone wall behind the straw hat pirate but missed the main target.
Unbeknownst to Luffy, a small voice in D's left hand tried to dissuade the Dhampir from his current course of action. "D, for god's sake; just tell the kid what's going on. Don't--"
Whether D would have listened to Left hand or not would never be seen as Luffy decided to go at D like a rapid spider Monkey.
"Gommu Gommu no Bazooka!" Normally used as a finishing move, Luffy's two hands shot out and punched D right in the face. Even the normally lightning sharp reflexes of the vampire hunter were not enough to dodge this attack.
D was launched through the wall behind him, going right through several thick layers of marble, concrete, steel and neo-steel. Clouds of dust trailed D like a comet as he went rocketing through the air from the force of Luffy's blow.
As the Dhampir plunged to the ground many stories below like a stunned Bat, Luffy began to get ready to go into second gear when things began to get interesting.
Luffy heard the sound of steel cutting through air and moved aside. D's head twisted to the side as he watched Luffy bounce out of the way of is blade. Luffy cursed that the vampire hunter had come right back from what was usually a finishing move.
"Gommu Gommu no Gattling!"
On command, Luffy's fist shot forth like a bullet. Then shot out again and again unit it looked like Luffy had sprouted a thousand arms and was punching D with them all.
D was taken off guard, Luffy's fists were hitting him harder than he had ever been struck before. D stood there just taking Luffy's hits; being beaten over and over again but refusing to back down.
The Captain of the straw hat pirates couldn't take his eyes off D. He's gone and murdered Luffy's friends and most likely drank their blood. It was an eye for an eye and Luffy was going to get his pound of flesh. He began to strike harder and harder at the half vampire foe. "Fall you pale bastard!" Luffy shouted at his enemy.
The response came by when D's left hand shot out, for D had been counting the time between each of Luffy's blows, just waiting until he could get his own blow in; for the straw hat pirates moved too fast for even the legendary D to see.
Monkey cried out as D grabbed his wrist and he felt razor sharp teeth of all things. Luffy glared at D with bloodshot eyes. D stared back with a impassive look; he said nothing.
Holy shit, how does D masturbate?
D's blade started to come down faster than the human eye could perceive but Monkey was too sharp for that. Luffy sprung right at D just as his sword was about to come down on his wrist and turn him into Captain Hook.
Coils of rubber flesh wrapped around D's body with more strength than he could ever hope to break. Luffy twisted his head around so that he could get a good look at D before he choked him to death and made his head pop off. There was no way that D could escape, his hands and sword were bound up . . . but--D's leg had slid free of the coils and delivered a high almost vertical kick right at the rubber enemy's face.
It was Luffy's turn to be surprised by an attack of an enemy. He knew that kicking and punching him would do no harm so he didn't fear D's boot when it came flying at his face. Except that it was not D's sole or toe that he needed to be concerned about
Eye fluid ruptured and Luffy screamed in pain as D drove the spur of his boot into Monkey's left eye. Twisting his ankle, D ground the circular sharp blade into the soft eye tissue; like tearing open a balloon.
Writhing in agony, D slipped out of Luffy's grip while Luffy tugged at the shredded and torn eyeball that lay on his cheek.
Suddenly Luffy found himself on the retreat. Going into second gear speed, he lunged back; always just a few millimetres away from the deadly edge of D's blade. Unlike like other foes, D didn't try to taunt Luffy or talk smack to him; his sword was doing all the talking for him.
From his end, Luffy almost couldn't follow the speed of the dazzling blade. It slashed just over his chest. Recoiling in horror, Luffy realized that D's sword has sliced several large cuts into the fabric of his shirt; there was no room for error with an enemy like this.
Blood still pouring down his face, Luffy launched another rubber attack at the deadly Dhampir. "GEAR THIRD" he shouted as he put his thumb into his mouth
From D's left hand he could hear the useful parasite panic, "Shit, D, run!"
Easier said than done, it came at D with the same amount of power as a big bang cannon or some other Noble super weapon on steroids. Luffy's fist came at D the size of an aircraft carrier. It left D with no place to dodge and tore the castle of the vampire in half; impressive given that the castle was capable of surviving a direct hit from a nuclear attack.
Mortar and metal twisted and broke as a Vampire's castle that had six hundred and sixty-six floors just was ripped in half by the wrath of Monkey D. Luffy.
D's dead body landed in the middle of the courtyard where a hail of debris was falling with steadily increasing size, intensity and lethality. While chunks of masonry the size of cars began to fall, the Left hand began to frantically search for something very important.
"Damn you, D," Lefty cursed as he started to chew through a layer of moss and devil grass to get to the soil, "You could have just told that kid something. He walked in on you killing his friends! It doesn't matter if they were bitten. You never even told him that he was bitten."
As he gulped down the soil, the pieces of debris grew larger; Lefty could bring D back from the dead but he couldn't make him listen. Five thousand years had caused the lonely Dhampir to be set in his ways. The moment that he saw the pinprick holes in Luffy's neck, he knew that he young man had to die lest he wind up into the thing that D hated the most.
A steamed and furious Luffy was just starting to console himself with the death of D when he saw his foe rise up. Next time he'd just have to hit the Dhampir even harder.
"I'm the future Pirate King you asshole," a bereaved Luffy screamed at D while cocking his fist. "You're going to pay for what you did to my friends."
D by contrast didn't raise his voice above conversational tone and spoke to Luffy cooly while holding his sword out. "Luffy, your friends were bitten by a vampire; I had to kill them. You are also bitten; unless I kill you, you will turn. It is only a matter of time."
Luffy shook his head and subconsciously scratched his neck. "It's not true! You're lying!"
But before the two of them could start fighting it out again, the pair of them heard the sound of multiple heavy bolters just as the falling debris was laying off. The Noble's castle was mostly done falling but a heavy dust cloud was being kicked up. Still, monkey and D could see very plainly that they were being surrounded by--
"SPESS MEHREENS!" shouted a thickly accented voice. "Destroy teh fhoul xeno and mutant!" said Commander Indrick Boreale; chapter master of the Blood Ravens spess mehrens and freewheeling lunatic with a speech impediment.
Instantly, the wrath of Teh Emprah came down on D and Luffy in the form of over a hundred bolters firing at them; another day at the office basically. Luffy jumped out of the way with the power of his third gear, evading the bolts like something in the Matrix. D did something no less spectacular.
Seemingly uncountable wooden needles flew through the air, igniting with friction in the air. The simple wood needles struck the bolts in the air and detonated the seventy-five calibre ordinance of the Imperium of man.
Elsewhere, Luffy activated his iron skin and laughed as the heavy bolters and chainswords bounced off of him. The space marines went down like bowling pins before Luffy's gatling fist. "Ha!" Luffy laughed, regaining some of his vigour and humour, "His pancreas came out his nose."
Boreale watched in fury as his men were humiliated by two deviant freaks in goofy hats. Luffy was playing ring around the rosie with his troops and beating them down like whack-a-mole while D had killed two space marines with his damnable sword. The leader of the Blood Ravens ducked his head as one of his brother marines went flying right through a bit of wall that was still standing. "I don't remember who you guys are, but when I'm done with D I'm teaching you guys a lesson you won't learn!"
Growing and uttering a mental prayer to the Emprah, Boreal grabbed his chainsword and adjusted the control nob; adjusting it from "overpowered" to "shithouse crazy."
Chainsword smoking and screaming like a Meatloaf album, Boreale charged Vampire Hunter D with the same fearlessness that he did everything in life. There was a fine line between bravery and stupidity and Commander Boreale tap-danced naked over that line ages ago. "You sided whith the Imperial Guard on Kuarava!" Boreale shouted above the shriek of his sword as he swung at D.
A meteor storm of sparks flew as D parried the strike at him, the monomolecular teeth of the chainsword scratching and clawing on D's fine blade like a hungry, wounded animal. Boreal's gritted his teeth and the blood vessel in his temple popped out; but as hard as he pressed down he found himself unable to overwhelm D.
Roaring like a raging pcp addict, Boreale pulled back and swung his sword downwards at D to slice him in twain in vicious parody of D's preferred killing method. D once again though caught the chainsword, chipping and damaging some of the admaantium teeth.
A flash of light went through the air and Boreale's prepared for another strike, only for his face to split in a shower of blood as D's blade slashed at his foe.
Boreale jumped back, blind from the blood in his eyes; truly D hadn't meant to kill him. D had other concerns far more pressing.
Luffy's fist sailed past D's head but only managed to knock the vampire hunter's hat off. D had figured out how to predict Luffy's strikes and dodge them before they were fired. Light as a feather, D ran as Luffy's battling attack struck behind him like a hail of bullets. Luffy gritted his teeth in anger at his foe who was rapidly adjusting his tactics to defeat the rubbery pirate.
Eyes widening, Luffy ducked milliseconds before one of D's daggers flew at his head and embedded itself in a stone wall. D flew down at Luffy like a bat swooping down on prey, cape spread like the wings of a devil and face like a warrior angel.
Luffy looked him in the eye and shouted, "THIS IS FOR MY FRIENDS!" and prepared to knock D's head right off. However D suddenly moved in midair and landed just to the left of Luffy; he swung his blade but the pirate artfully dodged it.
Luffy scowled and cocked his fist for an attack, "Gommu Gommu--splat!!!!
The straw hat looked in horror as his right arm detached from his body like a mannequin part. Blood poured from the wound; his iron skin defence hadn't even registered to D's sword. Still, Luffy was quick and lucky; D wasn't trying to take off his enemy's arm, but rather his head. D had missed; for the first time in a thousand years.
"GOMMU GOMMU NO PISTOL!" Luffy cried, spewing blood everywhere like something in Kill Bill
D however was once more ready. He thrust out his left hand and the continence carbuncle spewed out a freezing jet from some water he'd drank. A fine mist covered Luffy's arm and it froze--literally just a hair's width away from D's face. Shooting up in another kick, D's boot shot out and shattered Luffy's frozen arm; disarming his foe and fucking things up royally for Luffy.
D had the ball in his court. Luffy was armless and his sword was cutting through the air for the killing blow. But while he'd slain hundreds of foes who were more powerful than luffy, none of them possessed his tenacity or his optimism. So many would have despaired or resigned to going out swinging against an enemy like D. But to Luffy, he was just another pretty boy.
The Dhampir gagged, blood running down his chin. Sticking out of his chest was a broken branch, wrapped up by Luffy's foot. The Straw hat captain held the most murderous rage as he glared at D; even Abaddon the despoiler would have run like hell.
Armless, standing on one leg, Luffy had grabbed a broken tree branch and driven it into D's frozen, cold heart. And it wasn't just any old branch either, this was hawthorne. A species particularly deadly to vampires and their kind.
As D fell, Luffy breathed a sign of relief as the rain began to fall. he never noticed the Space marines fleeing on orders from Inquisitor Eisenhorne nor the police sirens. He never resisted arrest as policemen took him into custody.
EPILOGUE:
Luffy sat in the nuthouse waiting for his death. His captors, upon finding out that his friends were dead, decided to let him live and stew in his misery for a few years. The accommodations were sufficiently grim dark; a ghastly victorian padded room with a straight jacket. They'd ever given Luffy an eye patch to cover the one that D took
Bugs crawled over the meagre plate of "gruel" that had been provided for the dirty, wounded pirate.
A blinding light filled the dank room, scaring the cockroaches and critters. Luffy waited until his eye adjusted and took a good long look at his guest.
The man/boy before him ran a hand through his brunette hair and smoothed down his double breasted blue coat with sparkles. "Well Luffy, you were the horse I bet on and it's damn good that you came out on top."
"Who the hell are you?" asked Luffy with a curious, profane innocence.
The youth smiled and flicked tightened the string tie that he took from Colonel Sanders cold dead corpse. "Well, you can call me Stewart and as of right now I'm here to make you a deal?"
Luffy stood up straight in his straight jacket, "Hot digity! are you buying my soul? Okay, I want a real meal; Mega-Canadian Nachos, fried halapenos, french fries, a race car--
"No, you idiot," barked Stewart. "I'm giving you a deal to get your friends back."
This time, Luffy was truly rattled. "What?"
Stewart grinned, revealing rows of teeth covered in braces. "That's right. You see, I'm running a little tournament and the winner gets themselves a wish." He gave Luffy a measured look. "If you agree to fight in my tournament, I'll bring your friends back from the dead."
The mysterious visitor stepped back as Luffy's stretchy foot wagged in his face. "Look buddy, I wasn't born yesterday," Monkey scolded, "Nobody can bring back the dead and I ought to smack you."
Stewart grinned, "Does this look like the face of a liar. " Holding up one, bony, deformed hand, he snapped his fingers.
Monkey cried out as a mysterious force overtook him. The straight jacket fell off to reveal both of his arms regenerated. Reaching up for his eyepatch, Luffy tore it away to reveal a brand new eye; good as the old one.
"Don't believe me now?" questioned his dubious benefactor, "Your body is good as new. Not only that, but you have heightened resistance to hypnosis, superior resistance to heat in gear second as well as a few other things."
Snapping his fingers again produced D's fabled sword, daggers and wood needles. "I give you these weapons as well as the knowledge to use them directly into your brain." Stewart could start to see hesitation forming in Luffy's eyes. "And also, I will cure you of the vampire strain."
Luffy looked at Stewart with fear for the first time. "I'm not a vampire."
"Not yet, but in three days time, you'll fully transform into a blood sucking incestuosu fiend." He took a step forward. "Luffy, you didn't just kill D. You were hypnotized by a vampire and helped him bite all of your friends. When D saw that you were infected, he killed the lot of you; or at least tried."
"Shut up," grunted Luffy, as he fought to repress those memories. "I didn't do that to them." he denied to himself.
"I'm afraid you did, Monkey D. Luffy," Stewart said with false sympathy. "you stood and watched as your friends were fed upon by a vampire and then it put you in a closet for later study and enslavement. Face it, if you turn down my offer then I'll just let you turn into what D hated the most; the thing he saw every morning when he looked into the mirror."
Monkey began to scratch the puncture wounds in his neck. "I was tricked. I wasn't responsible for what I did."
He put a hand on Luffy's shoulder, pleading with him, "I'm telling you. I'm offering you a chance to fix it all. Don't you see," he spoke in a low tone, "If you win my tournament you have your friends back, free of the curse, free to sail the seas and find the one piece. Hell, I'll give you the one piece if you ask for it."
When Monkey still looked hesitant, Stewart pressed a small glass vial into his hand. "In the flask is a temporary cure for vampirism. When you run out, I will supply you with more. Win the final battle and I will give you a permanent cure."
Luffy looked down on the ground where Stewart had materialized D's weapons. Stewart glared expectantly at his pawn. This was not easy as it was planned. Finally, Luffy grinned at Stewart in a devil may care way. "Alright, I'll fight in your tournament; but if you screw me then when I die I will haunt your prostate."
Stewart blinked in confusion, "That's . . . great? Yeah, yeah, that's good." He chuckled, "Welcome to the Tournament of Super humans, Monkey."
"Yeah!" Luffy shouted, invigorated and reenergized with a goal now to strive for. "Let's rock and roll!" Then in a move that utterly disgusted Stewart, Luffy hawked a big lugie into his hand and shook Stewart's.
ELSEWHERE
A hand punched through the earth outside the mental asylum. Following it was a second hand. Out of the nameless grave came not some hideous revenant, but the Vampire Hunter D himself, raised by the magic of the left hand.
"Dammit D," the creature chuckled playfully, "That guy kicked your butt. I don't mean that he got the drop on you either. You had him on the ropes and he still took you down. Hell, he wasn't even all that into you." The little parasite began to chuckle.
"Quiet," said D in a harsh, heavenly voice. "My weapons are gone."
"Well you're welcome for me bringing you back," Said the sarcastic parasite. "So what now?"
D pointed a finger, "He's right there?"
"Oh sure, are you growing a sense of humour or--hey you're right!" the parasite exclaimed.
Just outside the insane asylum, Monkey and Gregor Eisenhorn were climbing into a white van labelled "Genies R Us." As the pair drove away, D saw the man in the blue sparkling coat climb into an bat like airplane made of cow leather and fly away.
D's mouth curled just into the slightest of sneers. "We have work to do."
==MEANWHILE==
Stewart flew his steam powered airplane, hovering over the full moon to freak out some villagers before returning to his lair.
Hitting a few buttons on the steam punk control panel, a TV monitor lined in brass came up. Appearing on the screen was a figure almost as colourful as Stewart himself.
"How is everything in the Brick Penis of Ahriman, Marcus?" Stewart enquired of the man in red robes with a triangular monocle.
Marcus wasn't in a good mood. "I'm trapped in a brick penis. What the hell else do you need to know?"
"I just wanted to report to you that your tournament is well in Kyle's hands," Kyle said with authentic friendliness.
"Bah!" MArcus sneered, "Your tournament is inferior to mine, so don't waste my time." His face cracked a smile, "Because right now I'm plotting my revenge. I've got some agents on the outside who are going to disassemble Jamie's bicycle and turn it into an H bomb on wheels!"
"Marcus, you've losing it," said Stewart. "Besides, my tournament is better than yours."
"Oh yeah, smarts?" Marcus demanded, "Well then to settle it, we'll have your tarantula fight my rat in the horse head nebula!"
"Done!" shouted Stewart just as the warp engines of his plane kicked in. "Your rat will die you war hammer loser!"
Marcus gave Stewart the middle finger before shutting off the communication from his end."
I hope you enjoyed that :) I've been gone for what feels like forever. And now that I'm married I can't write as much as I used to but I'm writing again. Right now I'm working on Mental vs Raynor, which I lost due to virus. For now, I honestly hope that you enjoyed this. I've never seen or read one piece, so I hope I didn't fuck up Luffy's character too bad ;)
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