Deadliest warrior Reboot: Preview

Master of the Boot's deadliest Warrior: The Reboot!

Author's note: I do not own either Attack on Titan, Deadliest Warrior or Bloodshot. 

Scene: 

The Three hosts from Deadliest appear on screen. 

Armand Dorian starts first, "First of all, we want to apologize on behalf of the author for the long hiatus of this story." 

Geoff goes next, "There's been jobs, marriage and a decision to join the army." 

Max finishes, "And frankly, Mental's horde vs Raynor's Raiders was just too exhausting to finish. But don't think that it's going to be cancelled." 

Armand smiles, "That's right! While Raynor vs Mental may be on hiatus, the show will go on. Unlike the hit series on spike, this bad boy is coming back." 

Geoff holds out his arms, "So let's all give a big round of applause as the story of the deadliest warriors continues!" 

Announcer: Let's fucking rock and roll!!!!!

DEADLIEST WARRIOR!

Announcer: After a long and hungry hiatus, we're back and better than ever before

The scene shows Geoff and Armand standing before a giant supercomputer. 

The computer technology is more advanced than ever

The next shot shows Alucard russian dancing on top of a table full of broken glassware

The moves are smoother than ever

A Tau fire warrior detonates a bomb that puts a crater in the ground the size of an aircraft carrier

The explosions are bigger than anything in your wildest dreams!!

Darth Maul and Vampire Hunter D sword duel over a volcanic pit

Avatar Korra dodges a strike from Abbadon the despoiler

A Tau fire Warrior lays down fire at a charging armoured bear

all of it to ask just one . . . single . . . question

Tony Jay, the dark voice laughs in pure evil as his plans unfold perfectly

WHO

IS

THE

DEADLIEST

WARRIOR!!!!!!!!!!

The deadliest warrior logo flashes on the screen

Announcer: here in the brand new refurbished fight club, the guys are ready to go, the simulations are ready to run and hopes are high. 

Geoff is gleeful, "After Spike cancelled us, I was so bummed out. But when the Court of Owls threatened to kill the Spike executives, we got a second chance at life." 

Armand dorian pulls out a human heart from a freezer, "While the show was cancelled, I was forced to make a living doing emergency surgeries for organized crime members." The tanned doctor shudders, "They paid well but I did thinks I never thought I'd have to do once I graduated from college." 

Mr Bean pops up from out of nowhere and gives the camera a knowing look, "If you know what I mean." Bean says suggestively before vanishing. 

Max appears behind a gigantic supercomputer, "While those two layabouts were doing nothing; I took the time and stole a government supercomputer for my simulations." He gestures to the mighty computing machine, "Say hello to the Cray Titan; able to compute at 17.59 petaFLOPS per second."

Cray Titan then speaks up in a monotone voice, "The petaFLOP is a measurement of calculations per second. Your choice to say "per second" is highly redundant." 

"Shut up!" Max yells at the computer. Then he adds, "Oh, we kept on Robert Daly to be our butt monkey." 

Over to the left is Robert, obliviously typing on his laptop while at the same time sitting inside a clear glass case full of scorpions. 

Geoff shows up again, while behind him a young Asian woman is practicing with a sword that looks like an exacto knife. "Today we're going to have two very brutal and frankly anti-social heroes fight for our viewers benefit. Mr Announcer guy?"

Announcer: Our first battle for the reboot shall be Eren Yeager!

Voted anime character most likely to join the Nazi party

Camera flashes to show a young boy in a grappling hook harness attacking a cannibalistic giant. 

The young man who sword to eradicate the Titan menace that plagued his world at any cost

Now the camera shows a dirty, grungy, pissed off looking man cradling a lead pipe covered in bloodstains. 

Announcer: Ethan Thomas! Once an accomplished FBI agent, he was driven into exile by the mysterious cult Oro Invictus. 

Drunk, tired and pissed off. Also armed

A clean shaven, straight laced Thomas morphs into a murderous, homeless Thomas battles with a psychotic group of rioters

Friendless and struggling with alcoholism, Ethan used the most blunt, brutal violence to battle an evil cult and put a stop to hardcore crime. 

Announcer: Eren's Childhood friends Mikasa Ackerman and Armin Arlert represent their friend as well as the Scouting legion. 

AKA: the Failionaire the failtrocity, 

The Asian girl from earlier opens up, "Eren will win this fight. He's fought murderous giants with a Wolverine like healing factor while Ethan spends his time killing homeless people." 

Is there a good reason she's not the main character?

The blonde boy ARmin pipes in, "Eren is more driven than anyone I know. For him killing titans is an obsession. Not to mention the fact that he can turn into a titan himself." 

At the point, the announcer says what we're all thinking about Armin.

Announcer: Hey homo, He-Man called; he wants his hair back.

At this, everyone in the studio except Mikasa starts to laugh at Armin; even Robert Daly. Armin blushes with extreme humiliation as several Asian farmers stop to mock him in their native language. 

An attractive African-American women appears on the camera, "My name is Lt Angel Rosa. As a forensic analyst, I worked with Ethan Thomas for years; before and after his fall into alcoholism. Ethan beat his alcohol addiction and he beat many unstoppable foes. He's skilled and strong enough to take on multiple armed enemies in hand to hand combat and he's highly intelligent; able to get inside the minds of the criminals he's hunting and locate clues that others would miss at a crime scene." 

Mikasa retorts to Rosa, "True to all of that, but Mr. Thomas has never fought a titan before." 

Rosa nods, "True, but Ethan has fought a rabid bear before. So he has at least some experience with large, murderous animals that can't be punched out." 

Announcer: Pierce Larue was an elite FBI member who accompanied Ethan on many of his journeys through a city that would make Spawn want to move to a better neighbourhood.

A bald Afro-American man in tactical gear who looks like Sergeant Johnson's grandfather appears with a smile and a wink. "Ethan is going to fuck up this little punk. This kid got eaten in episode five and didn't kill a single Titan until he became one. At least the first wave of guys on Saving Private Ryan knew they were fucked." 

The three hosts stand between the two groups of experts, "Well guys," says Geoff, "There's only one way to prove who will win." 

==STATS==

Ethan Thomas: 

Age: 35

Height--5'10''

Weight: 200 lbs

Eren Yeager: 

Age--15

Height--170 cm

weight--63 kg

==X-FACTORS==

Eren Yeager

Battle Skill: 9/10

Initiative:10/10

Strategy: 3/10

Teamwork:5/10

Passion: 10/10

Discipline:4/10

Ethan Thomas

Battle Skill: 9/10

Initiative:9/10

Strategy: 7/10

Teamwork:6/10

Passion: 610

Discipline:6/10

Geoff, Armand and Max stand beside the supercomputer Cray Titan. "So Cray," Says Geoff, "What can you tell us about the new X-factors?" 

Cray responds in a monotone voice, "Among other things, skills and initiative were factored in. Teamwork was also factored in because an inferior fighter can still sometimes win a fight if he gangs up on his foe and kicks the crap out of him with superior numbers." 

The computer continues, "In this case, Eren and Thomas were close in terms of battle skill, initiative  and teamwork. Both men suffer from slightly lower discipline, however Ethan Thomas highly defeats Yeager in terms of strategy. Ethan is frequently attacked by psychotic mobs and must use improvised tools and careful strategies lest he die. While quite honestly, Eren has fallen to titans easily when not in his shifter form." 

Armin and Mikasa walk up, only for Armin to scoff at the computer. "A plague on you! You're metal and plastic; you don't understand what Eren can do." 

Announcer: He understands you spread it like cream cheese for Eren

Armin shouts at the announcer, "Stop mocking me." 

Geoff ignores the announcer as Rosa and Larue approach, "Well I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I think we need to start doing some weapons testing." 

Armand shouts and gives Max a high five, "Yeah baby! I've missed this!!" 

The camera shifts to show three pig carcasses hanging from the ceiling. The shot pans to reveal the hosts and the experts. 

Geoff talks to Mikasa. "Okay, so what does Eren bring for his up close and personal game?" 

In response, the stoic asian girl holds up two swords that appear segmented like utility knives. "When fighting titans, every set of 3D maneuver gear comes with a set of disposable swords. These swords are built by first rate craftsmen to be both light and highly durable." 

She takes her sword and plugs it into the sheath connected to her 3D gear. "When a sword grows dull, as many titans have highly dense hides; we can replace that sword quickly and easily. The blade is forged titanium steel with a high carbon content and vanadium." 

Larue smack talks his rival. "Well that's a nice knife . . . for cutting thanksgiving dinner. Ethan will just take that and shove it up Eren's candy ass." 

Armin smacks talks back, and he's not very good at it. "Why you . . . Eren will . . . eat . . . Ethan's sack!" 

Crickets sound as everybody in the room looks at him funny. 

Announcer: You'd know a lot about biting sack, wouldn't you?" 

"Shut up!" Armin shouts. 

Ignoring the bickering, Geoff attacks two devices to Mikasa. "Okay, we've got a device to measure velocity on your wrist and on your sword. When you're ready, just take a swing." 

AT this, everyone steps back as Mikasa gets into fighting position. 

Geoff grabs a stop watch and gives it a kiss before proceeding. "Mikasa, you're on in 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . ATTACK ON TITAN!!!" 

What Mikasa does puts the cyborg ninja to shame. She leaps forward and spinning like sonic the hedgehog and cuts the three pig carcasses in half, midway through the chest.

Not to be outdone, Mikasa draws a second sword from her sheath and with two strikes at once beheads three pig carcasses. 

The girl says nothing, merely giving a bow. 

Rosa nods her head in approval. "That's impressive. If Eren is half as good as that, then Ethan had better watch his step." 

Armin pipes in, "Don't worry, Eren't nowhere near as good as Mikasa." 

"Shut up, Armin!" Mikasa shouts at Armin, throwing one of her swords like a spear. 

A terrified Armin breaks out into a sweat as Mikasa's sword sticks into the wall next to his head. "Don't you dare jeopardize Eren's chances at this!" she shouts. 

The room stays silent for several second before the announcer interrupts. 

Announcer: Let's just stay calm here. Now I believe if we can go for five minutes without killing one another we'll all be fine. 

About five minutes pass but we fast forward through it all 

Announcer: Mikasa proved herself a god with a blade, but now Ethan Thomas's experts go forth with an eclectic but effective collection of melee weapons. 

Pierce Larue stands in front of a small wooden table with several objects on it. "Now, Ethan normally prefers to give out knuckle sandwiches; but when the going gets tough; Ethan throws everything at his enemies but the kitchen sink." 

Illustrating his point, Larue picks up a brick, "Metro city has some of the worst zoning laws in the nation; piles of discarded bricks are more common than snowflakes at Christmas." 

He then grabs a two by four with nails sticking out of it, "Here's Jesus Christ superstar. Double what I said about shitty zoning laws. Can be found in almost any trash bin or old oil drum around the city." 

Next on the list is well . . . 

"A toilet seat!" Larue crows with a winning smile, "No further explanation." 

Last but not least is the most bizarre item on the list. "A flaming prosthetic arm! Now that's what I'm talking about." 

Armin looks at the table full of Ethan's weapons in disbelief. "What do you call all this garbage?" 

"We call it the quad. Ethan like to improvise his weapons, but he usually keeps a brick or plank on him at nearly all times. " 

Mikasa also adds her sense to the matter, "We bring a high quality sword. You bring four pieces of shit. "

Rosa cautions Mikasa, "You wouldn't say that if you could see what Ian has done." 

The camera changes and now Larue is standing in front of four ballistics gel dummies. 

The bearded Afro-police officer grins with excitement at the prospect of smashing heads; even if they are synthetic. 

Geoff gets his stop watch again, "Pierce, in 3 . . . 2 . . . 1. . . BLOODSHOT!!!!" 

Pierce gives out a loud roar and grabs the toilet seat. Throwing it as hard as he can, the "u" shaped piece of plastic slams into the neck of a dummy and knocks it over. 

He then grabs a brick and a two by four and goes to town. Strapping the brick to his belt, he takes the two by four and smashes a dummy across the head with it. The gel head bounces back and forth and a second strike totally rips out a synthetic eye. A third strike rips open the head and spills brains. 

Dropping the plank, Larue takes his brick and drives it as hard as he can into one of two standing dummies; there's a crunch and immediately fake blood gushes down the dummy's forehead. 

Running back to the table, he takes the fake arm, uses a match to light it on fire and then goes crazier. The FBI agent takes the claw on the flaming arm and disembowels the final dummy; spilling its guts and cooking them at the same time. 

"AND TIME!" Geoff shouts as he cuts the stop watch. "Twenty seconds and four casualties; I couldn't have wished for more." 

Now it's time to look at the destruction first hand. On come Armand's gloves. "Well, the guy who got hit by the toilet seat was an instant kill. The larynx is totally crushed from the impact." 

He examines the two blunt impact kills, "Both of these instant kills, but I want to draw your attention to the disembowelment." He points to spots where the gelatine has melted. "From what we can see here, where the burning fake arm tore out the intestines caused third degree burns. Not an instant kills but so agonizingly painful that it really would put Eren out of the fight." 

The three hosts take time to deliberate. "Ethan's weapons were brutal, effective and past video footage has shown Ethan can throw them as accurately as a firearm." Geoff states. 

Max however has a point, "True, but Ethan's swords killed three targets in less than a quarter of the time that Ethan needed to kill three. Not to mention that while Larue threw a toilet seat at fifty feet per second; Levi could throw his swords at least that fast if not faster." 

Cray Titan the computer speaks up, "Have you reached a decision?" 

The lads nod, "Yes we have," says Armand. 

EDGE: EREN YEAGER

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Stay tuned in for more :) My deadliest warrior story is back online! Sorry for the hiatus, I'm in the army, married and with a job in construction. But I'm back :) And I miss this shit so much. Expect to see updates on deviant art and on fan fiction.net. 

I love ya'll :)

TA