Peter Griffin vs Mickey Mouse: Sneak Peak

Enjoy a little sneak preview of my next attraction ;)

Announcer: And so we go with Mickey’s mundane weapon, the Schofield revolver.

Oswald the rabbit prepares he revolver, loading the gun while the guys set up the testing equipment at the firing range.

Meanwhile Stewie is trying to psych out Donald and it’s working.

“Don’t look at the camera,” says Stewie. Donald tries to ignore the evil baby but all he hears is, “I said don’t look at the camera.

Donald shoots Stewie a dirty look but the baby is undeterred.

“There’s no point in looking at it. It just makes you look pathetic,” Stewie informs him. “Viewer interest; now that’s what determines camera focus, who the viewers love the most. In this case they won’t even notice you. Did I mention I won an emmy?”

Finally Oswald has finished with the gun and he holds it up. “Gather around everyone, what I’ve got here is a .45 Smith and Wesson Schofield revolver.”

Oswald expertly spins the gun around his finger. He’s starting to look like a toon rabbit cousin of Revolver Ocelot. “In use by the United States Cavalry until the end of the Spanish American war, it’s powerful and faster to reload than most side arms of its time. Our father Walt Disney used one of these to shoot at leftist college students.”

Overhead, birds chip as everything is set to go. In true cartoon fashion, Oswald conjures up a cowboy outfit seemingly from nowhere and gets ready to fire.

Geoff gets the stop watch. “Oswald, are you ready to kick ass like a rabbit?”

“YEE-HAW!” Oswald shouts, ears sticking up through his hat.

With that, Max hits a switch and out of a machine flies a clay pigeon. The clay pigeon sails majestically into the sky before being blown to bits by Oswald’s gun.

Several more clay pigeons fly out of the machine, coming fast and low, high and slow. Oswald shoots them all down like a true cartoon marksman.

When the shooting is done, Oswald spins the gun around like a pro and puts it back into the holster—

BANG!!!

Only for the fun to go off in his pants.

A look of intense pain comes over Oswald’s face. “I hurt myself,” he says.

Stewie just walks up to Oswald and gives him a pat. “Good job,” he says dismissively, “Good work, now get out of here; you bother me.”

Announcer: the next weapon is one that’s not only lethal but leaves a raunchy smell in the room

Brian Griffin appears before the camera with a bottle of vodka. “Now you know that frat boys love fart jokes. Seth has done it to death on the show,” he takes a pull of the booze and goes on. A bright smile cracks his face. “And now without further ado, we demonstrate Peter’s ability to shoot fire out of his ass!”

Behind Brian, Stewie and weapons master David Baker pull back a curtain to reveal a giant plastic ass.

Stewie smiles and gives David a high five. “Let’s give it up for Dave Baker.”

Meanwhile, Donald nudges Max, “What did you guys do before he arrived on the show?””

“What?” says Max.

Donald gets pissed, “I said, what did you do for weapons before him!”

“Oh,” Max realizes, “Before David Baker we stole weapons from yard sales and museums and hoped they were accurate.”

Donald looks at Max with disbelief, “What?” he quacks.

Stewie stands showing off the giant plastic ass. “When Peter eats a ton of high fibre food like beans, he can literally shoot fire out of his anus by swallowing a bunch of flints.”

The scene shifts and Stewie is shown with goggles and hardhat on while the ass is pointed at an unlucky gelatin dummy.

“Like they say in StarCraft,” the baby grins, “Ready to fry.”

And with the flick of a button a jet of flaming fart shoots at the dummy. It instantly melts and the same is said for the steel lighting fixtures behind it, which also melts.

Armand puts a hand over his mouth and coughs, “Jesus Christ, that stinks! Someone open a fucking window!”

Announcer: After we burned about a thousand scented candles, the merits of both weapons were debated.